Monthly Archives: January 2014

The Blanche Report: No Shortage of Brainwaves

There is no doubt that the hearings and presentations on Quebec’s meaningless and useless charter are bringing the nutballs out from under their balconies.

Some little chickadee from deep in the heart of Quebec’s swampland, who of course professed her love for the charter and all that it represents, said that she thinks zombie marches should be banned and mormons should be expelled from here for proselytizing.

Hello?? The only ones who need to be expelled are brainwaves creating an issue where there was no issue, who are creating divisiveness where there was no divisiveness. Blanche – go git them some Purina dog chow cause they’re lettin dis place go to da dawgs.

Be happy you were not in Atlanta Georgia in the past few days.
They got 2 inches of snow and the entire infrastructure of the city broke down. The weather was partially to blame, but a heap of blame goes to the mayor and his entourage. At 1:00 pm on Tuesday afternoon, they told everyone – and we mean everyone – to go home. So what do you think happened? The biggest traffic jams known to man, with snow falling and no one knowing how to drive in snow, nor having snow tires.

The result? People slept in Walmart, Home Depot, Pharmacies, on busses, in their cars, in gas stations. You get the picture. It took people 10 hours to do a 15 minute drive. Let’s invite them here for a snow101 class.

This Sunday is known as Super Bowl Sunday.  The game is being played outdoors – yes Blanche, in the winter – in New Jersey just across the bridge from New York. In case you didn’t know, the Seattle Seahawks are playing the Denver Broncos.

The average ticket was $2,646 but as the game is rapidly approaching you can grab a ticket for $1500 to sit in the freezing cold. Of course if you have a tailgate party – again in the freezing cold – by the time you get to the game (hiccup) you won’t know if you’re cold or not.  And don’t worry about a submarine attacking. The navy has all the water around the stadium covered. Don’t you feel safe now?

The infamous Sochi olympics are set to begin next Friday. In case you were wondering how the security issues are going, they’re not. The world is holding its collective breath, waiting to see what happens. The NHL announced it has no plan b in case the Canadian team has to come home.

The construction for the main areas of the games seems to be almost ready but once you step two feet away, it’s another story. Half finished hotels, sidewalks built last year already crumbling, an apartment building that is supposed to house volunteers unfinished. Corruption at its best – aside from here.

Here we go again. Usernames and passwords of some of Yahoo’s email customers have been stolen and used to gather personal information about people those Yahoo mail users have recently corresponded with. Yahoo didn’t say how many accounts have been affected. Yahoo is the second-largest email service worldwide, after Google’s Gmail. There are 273 million Yahoo mail accounts worldwide, including 81 million in the U.S.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…

The Blanche Report: Looks Like We Live in the Wizard of Oz

Where exactly is Al Gore, Mr. Global Warming himself? Wouldn’t you say it’s about enough cold weather? And don’t start with the ‘climate change’ business. It’s a crock. The only climate change taking place this winter is that it’s really winter.

The polar vortex has been replaced with the polar plunge. That means that if you thought it was cold last week, ya ain’t seen nothin yet. Blanche go git those cows and bring em inside. Otherwise dere milk’s gonna turn ta ice cream. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

The Liberal leader in this province, Phillipe Couillard is not a stupid man – he’s actually a brain surgeon. So we cannot figure out what happened to his own brain.

He just won a seat in the National Assembly by running in Outremont, a relatively safe seat for Liberals. Now he has decided to run in Lac St. Jean – a staunch PQ riding.

Can we talk? He is doing everything possible to shoot himself in the foot. Why not run in a riding that will get you elected? As the so-called leader of his party, he will have to help out other candidates running in the next election. How exactly is he going to do that if he has to concentrate all his effort to getting himself elected?

It appears that he has surrounded himself with incompetents. Either that, or they are working undercover for princess pauline.

You know that Charbonneau commission on the corruption in this city’s construction industry and lots of other ‘industries’ like government? Well, they issued their first little interim, 28 page report today. Guess what? The report said they need to write a report. We hope you are not shocked by this.

Their little report said they don’t want to report before they have all the facts. Dawling – Madame Charbonneau is slowly but surely securing her retirement from this commission. It is to her distinct advantage to keep it going as long as possible. So don’t look for anything concrete for a long, long, long time.

Blanche – go git the barf bag. Today it came out that in December management at Bixi paid themselves and all their employees bonuses in December, just weeks before they were forced to file for bankruptcy protection because it could not pay debts nearing $50 million. Most of their debts are owed to the city of Montreal, which covered their loans. The management said it was a standard operating procedure.

Standard operating procedure when they knew they owed the city $50 million????? And they say this with a straight face? 

Someone better start investigating the dudes at Bixi. Yet another company that has its hands in your wallet. Gross, dizguzting and they should all go to jail.

Aside from the daily terrorist threats to the Sochi olympics, it seems they are not nearly ready for the games to begin. It appears that the place still looks like one big construction site. Now – ready for what the site manager said about this: “Even if it’s not finished, the snow will cover it.”  Not much else to say, eh?

Super Bowl Sunday is rapidly approaching. Here are some facts to chew on:

There will be 1.23 billion chicken wings eaten. Dat’s a lotta chickens Blanche.
Nine out of ten people watch the super bowl at home.
About 11 million pizzas will be delivered.
One third of US adults bet on the super bowl.
11.2 million pounds of potato chips will be consumed.
8 million pounds of avocado will be mashed for guacamole.
The super bowl is the 10 most watched programs in the history of TV.
Lotsa people will be needing toothpicks after they chomp on 3.8 million pounds of popcorn.
51.7 million cases of beer will be consumed. Burp.
8.2 million pounds of tortilla chips will be going along with the guacamole.

We’ll talk…

The Blanche Report: No Shortage of Morons Around

Ever use those Bixi bikes? You know the ones where you insert your credit card (and hope no one is cloning it), pick up a bike in one place and drop it off in another place? That’s the same company that refused to let anyone look at their books – ever.  There was speculation that they were losing gzillions of dollars. Zut alors. Whadda ya think happened?

They went bankrupt to the tune of $50 million of which we, the lowly taxpayer are on the hook for. Bixi owes Montreal $31.6 million on a $37 million loan.

The story gets complicated because the original company that created the software had an ugly split with company. The software company that took over couldn’t really do the job. In other words, the company is a mess and no one would fess up. Dizguzting, dizguzting. People’s heads should roll for this one.

Never mind going to the olympics in Sochi, maybe we shouldn’t even watch them. The terrorist threats are ratcheting up faster than faster.  The Russians are now searching for three very nasty female terrorists, one of whom is dubbed the black widow. ‘Somehow’ they got into Sochi and now the Russians are literally running scared as well as issuing warnings to all hotels to be on the lookout for these women.

Two things you should know: There will most probably be a ten second delay in what you see on television in case… And the US is deploying warships to the area in case they have to evacuate their entire olympic team. When is the line crossed here?

Rob Ford is back. We hope you are not surprised by this. Last night he was videoed in some kind of fast-food place where he had gone with some of his, shall we say, less savory friends. He was rather inebriated to say the least.  It seems that some people in said establishment were Jamaican and they taped talking with a Jamaican accent using words we can’t write here. When asked if he was drunk he replied, if I am it’s on my own time.

Can we talk? When you’re the mayor of a city, especially the biggest one in Canada, one of the things you give up when taking that public office is privacy. Life as you knew it is over till your term is over, no matter how stupid, gross or inappropriate you act. People will follow you till you move on. Next.

At long last there may be a light at the end of the tunnel the moronic charter. At the Charbonneau commission on corruption it came out today that princess pauline and her husband may be implicated in some hanky panky.

Former FTQ president Michel Arsenault is overheard on the wiretap saying he has a deal with “Blanchet,” a reference to Claude Blanchet, Marois’s husband, who previously ran the FTQ’s billion-dollar solidarity fund. Arsenault also said in the conversation he’ll “talk to Pauline” to make sure the PQ didn’t support holding a public inquiry that would focus on unions.

The princess is in Davos Switzerland at the world economic forum. She belongs there like we belong in a conference for rocket scientists. The woman has an ego the size of her old mansion.

And speaking of morons, we hope you had a look at the brilliant couple from somewhere in rural Quebec – yes the ones who are voting yes to the charter – spouting what can only be termed the most blatantly stupid comments we’ve ever heard.

These two geniuses went to Morocco on vacation. Before entering a mosque they were told to take off their shoes – a complete surprise to them. Upon entering the mosque they saw people, as they described, “on all fours like dogs, on carpets”.

Thankfully, their presentation to the drainville et al went viral and they are now claiming stupidity, as is their daughter who said her parents are not really that dumb. Yes Blanche, this is exactly who the princess is pandering to. We’re waiting for the next shoe to drop. A few more like them and that whole presentation business will come to a grinding halt. 

Blanche is off to New York to spend a few days with about 2,000 other women, Chabad emissaries from all over the world, at the annual convention. But first we have to get there as New York is getting walloped with the mother-of-all-storms. Given this scenario, the report on Thursday may have to wait till Sunday night. Oy.

We’ll talk…

The Blanche Report: The Hits Just Keep on Coming

About two weeks ago, an eighteen-year-old teenager was going through a scanner at the airport in Edmonton. The security agent noticed something odd in his backpack. It was a pipe bomb. So what did the agent do? He asked the young man if he wanted to keep it and told him he could board the plane, no problem. Wait, the story gets better.

The young man said he and his friend had made the pipe bombs and exploded some of them in the country for fun. He had forgotten about this one and told the agent to please take it. “No, it’s ok, you keep it’, said the agent. “No, really, I don’t want it,” said the teen. The end of that part of the story is that the agent kept the pipe bomb, the teen boarded the plane and lived happily ever after.

Four days later the RCMP were notified about the incident. There’s nothing much to say here except uniforms don’t  come with brains.

Oh yes, make sure you empty your water bottle before going through security. Welcome to Canada, eh?

Just to keep you in the loop, you should know that the New York state Assembly has passed legislation that prohibits workplace discrimination against attire worn for religious purposes. The bill would allow for persons to wear hijabs, turbans, kippahs and beards at their workplaces without fear of persecution.

Revealed in a joint investigation between the Guardian and NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, the NSA collects about 200 million text messages per day globally. Before you get your knickers into a snit, think about this: Do you think they care about the message to your husband to buy a quart of milk on the way home? No. They use algorithms which means that if you use language or words that they think are terrorist related, your text will be flagged.

Of course there are always going to be those misuse this information, but come on, if you have nothing to hide then just move along with your life and let the good guys catch the bad guys. That’s the problem with what Snowden revealed. Altruism has its time and place. Snowden went way to far here. Way to far. And he put us all at risk.

This year the superbowl is in Rutherford New Jersey, right across the water from NYC. Aside from the fact that it will be played outside in the middle of winter – what exactly were they thinking? – it is rapidly becoming a security nightmare.

They are expecting 80,000 people at the game – oh that loo business looms. Problem is, the stadium is accessible by air, land and sea. Aside from the 4,000 security officers, including 3,000 private security personnel, there will be sniffer dogs, metal detectors, bomb units and a mobile hospital, complete with a surgery ward.

Here’s the best part: In the event of severe weather, de-icing equipment and some 900 plows are ready to clear the field, seats, walkways and parking lots. We suggest you buy a new pair of pajamas. That way, you won’t be wearing the same outfit as when you watched the olympics from your den.

Remember we told you about Target getting hacked? That ‘they’ got 70 million pin numbers, names, addresses, phone numbers, etc. Well, that number rose to 110 million. And Neiman Marcus joined the club.

The parking meters in Montreal are amongst the biggest ripoffs out there, as once you leave, the next person has no clue how much time is left and they have to start all over again. And to make it easier to steal your money, the city allows us to use our credit cards to pay for the privilege of getting ripped off. Well, there are others in on the deal.

Today, a few stellar men were arrested for putting cloning machines into the parking meter machines. So you would put your credit card into the meter and while paying for your parking, your little card, along with all its information, was being cloned! While you were shopping with your card, so was someone else. Dizguzting.

Could someone please tell the ‘professionals’ dealing with the children and warped adults in the Lev Tahor group start acting upon the evidence they have. What exactly are they waiting for? It was revealed a while ago that the ‘leader’ is a convicted felon and should have been deported long ago. If running away in the middle of the night is not enough of a clue for those investigating, then the investigators need to live there for about a week to get a clearer picture.

There is something very wrong going on there.  What more do they need to go in, get rid of the ringleader and get professional help for everyone?

Hold the date: Sometime in May Chuck and Camilla are coming for a visit.
Yes, Prince Charles and his lovely wife Camilla will be visiting Canada. Hey! Maybe they can make a presentation to drainville or even better, to the princess herself!

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk

The Blanche Report: Idiocy At Its Best

Just when you thought things were settling down, up pop those who are determined to undermine a great place. Today the presentations began on the charter of separation. We have decided that’s really what it is, so let’s call a spade a spade. Bury the charter of values because there are no values in that charter.

Before anyone had uttered a word, drainville the brainwave said they are changing nothing in the charter. So, if you want, speak, but dat’s da law la.

Exactly what is the point of making any kind of presentation? No point. The only thing we can hope for is that every nutball living here comes to talk. At least we will know for sure what we are dealing with.

Yesterday pieces of an overpass – read concrete – fell on a few cars. It was the weather, it was cold, it was hot, it rained, it snowed, it melted, there was salt.

Can we talk? The infrastructure in this province was engineered and constructed by people with an IQ of 10. Couple that with pay-offs, little envelopes passing hands, watered down cement and you have the perfect recipe for concrete falling on cars. Wait – the minister of transport says we shouldn’t worry. They checked everything and it’s fine. And we have swampland for you in Florida.

Here’s a tip: When you get to an overpass where you can stop before going under to wait for a light – stop before the overpass. If you have to drive under an overpass on the highway, hold your breath and gas it.

Here’s something for you to ponder: In the new mega-hospital being built here, the government is floating the idea that if you have to stay overnight, you will have to pay for your room. Yes Blanche, if your tests take all night in the emergency, which they always do, you will be paying to sleep there. Hey, maybe they’ll use hotwire so we can bid on rooms – with a window $500, with a door, $250, with a curtain, $150 and finally a shared inside room, $50.

We hope that you did not have too many dealings with the Clintons over the past few years. It seems they have a hit list, keeping track of those they deem have crossed them over the years.  We guess that Hillary thinks she’s going to be the next president and those who are on that list will either get punished (the IRS will come after them with a microscope) or they won’t get any positions in her government. Talk about entitled. Feh, feh, feh.

The governor of New Jersey is quickly falling into a quagmire and it seems he’s not the nice, clean guy everyone thought he was.

The mayor of Fort Lee was not the only one who incurred punishment for not supporting him. After Hurricane Sandy, the mayor of Hoboken declined to support Christie. She received 1% of the funds she requested for aid at that time. After winning the 2013 election in Jersey City, the mayor there also refused to endorse Christie. He had meetings scheduled with agency heads and they were all cancelled.

Something is beginning to smell fishy here and it’s not because New Jersey is on the Atlantic ocean.

Ever hear of an ice quake? No, Blanche, it’s not a quack joke
. Water that sinks into the soil and bedrock where it freezes and expands, causes an explosive boom that feels like a mild earthquake. We actually heard a loud crack from our roof and now we understand what it is.

One dude in rural Wisconsin heard an explosive sound and initially thought his garage might have blown up. That wasn’t the case. Then he checked his basement, thinking a wall had split. Everything looked fine. It wasn’t until the next morning that he discovered the driveway fissure – an inch wide and almost a foot deep. Global warming. No, wait – climate change. No wait – winter!

Here’s something that will do wonders for the Sochi olympics:
The U.S. State Department has issued a travel alert for Americans traveling to Sochi for the Winter Olympics and Paralympics. Over the weekend police defused two handmade bombs about 400 miles from the games.

Below is a link to an article that should be read, pasted on one’s forehead, fridge door and made viral
It was written by Charles Krauthammer entitled Wear the Yellow Star with Pride.

It has to do with the boycott by the American Studies Association (ASA) of Israeli universities accusing them of denying human rights to palestinians.  In case you thought that antisemitism is ‘over there’, think again.  It’s coming to a theater near you.

We’ll talk..

The Blanche Report: Hitting the Fan, Bitcoins & Stavropol – Ставрополь

If Chris Christie thinks he’s running for president in about eighteen months, he better be telling the truth. Right now the governor of New Jersey is in the direct line of the stuff hitting the fan.

The story is as follows: When Christie, a republican was running for Governor of New Jersey, the mayor of Fort Lee New Jersey, a democrat, did not support him. Christie won the election. Enter a few very enthusiastic aides in Christie’s compound. They decided that the mayor of Fort Lee needed to be punished for not supporting Christie. As such, they devised a plan.  They would make it look like work was being done on two of the three feeder lanes to get onto the George Washington bridge, knowing full well it would cause endless hours of chaos and traffic jams, the likes of which we never see here. These lane closures lasted for days.

 An elderly woman died because the EMS could not get to her. A child was missing and the police could not search for him properly.

Today Christie held a press conference. He spoke in the right tone and said all the right things. He didn’t know, he fired them all, it was disgusting, he’s sad – you get the picture.

And here is the question, always the same, just different people: What did Christie know and when did he know it? He claims innocence. Let’s just say if he is tied to this in any way, shape or form, he will still be Governor of New Jersey in 2016.

Then there are the two Canadian beauties arrested in Mexico a couple of days ago. Seems they were not content to just be sightseers. They decided that something in Mexico was not quite right and they were going to do something about it.  So… they threw a couple of molotov cocktails at a government building. Let’s just say the Mexican government didn’t take too kindly to them. Guess where they are? Right. In a Mexican jail. Feh.

Wait – the story gets better. One of those two beauties was front and center a year ago in our own red square nightly student demonstrations. She’s obviously a busy little beaver. It also seems that her political career may come to a grinding halt if the Mexican government decides that what she and her cohort did was not just a prank, but terrorism. Today in Montreal there was a demonstration in front of the Mexican consulate for their release. Hello?? The world has gone crazy.

This next piece should be broadcast on some eco-friendly station. Then again, maybe not. Those watching would all go into cardiac arrest.  The mayor of one of Montreal municipalities is ‘shocked’ that some garbage men put the recycling stuff in with the regular garbage. Blanche – save the world, save the trees, save the whales, save us from these monsters!

Could someone please tell that mayor to get a grip. Does he really think that every garbage collector sifts through everyone’s collection to put the right stuff in the right place? He needs a reality check. Oh wait, he just got one.

Remember we keep telling you to watch the olympics in your house in your pajamas? Ok, you can watch them dressed, but take heed. Russian authorities said on Thursday that security forces had been put on combat alert in the southern Stavropol region after the discovery of six bodies with gunshot wounds in four different cars, three of which were rigged with explosives.

We did some investigation and found out that Stavropol is a mere 8 hours from Sochi – in the same region. The chechens are inching closer and closer to the games and giving more and more hints that something’s going to happen there. Wait Blanche,  we can finally give a Russian transliteration! Stravropol – Ставрополь. Hehehehehe.

This next piece may be a bit long, but sometimes ya gotta read the fine print to understand what’s flying out there. Ever hear of the Bitcoin?
Our eyes glazed over every time the term came up. Here ya go:

What is it: Bitcoin is a network that enables a new payment system and completely digital money. It is the first decentralized peer-to-peer payment network that is powered by its users with no central authority (no banks) or middlemen. From a user perspective, Bitcoin is pretty much like cash for the Internet.

Who created it: The first Bitcoin specification and proof of concept was published in 2009 in a cryptography mailing list by Satoshi Nakamoto. Satoshi left the project in late 2010 without revealing much about himself. The community has since grown exponentially with many developers working on Bitcoin.

Who controls the bitcoin network: Nobody owns the Bitcoin network much like no one owns the technology behind email. Bitcoin is controlled by all Bitcoin users around the world. While developers are improving the software, they can’t force a change in the Bitcoin protocol because all users are free to choose what software and version they use. In order to stay compatible with each other, all users need to use software complying with the same rules. Bitcoin can only work correctly with a complete consensus among all users. Therefore, all users and developers have a strong incentive to protect this consensus.

How does bitcoin work:  From a user perspective, Bitcoin is nothing more than a mobile app or computer program that provides a personal Bitcoin wallet and allows a user to send and receive bitcoins with them. This is how Bitcoin works for most users. Behind the scenes, the Bitcoin network is sharing a public ledger called the “block chain”. This ledger contains every transaction ever processed, allowing a user’s computer to verify the validity of each transaction. The authenticity of each transaction is protected by digital signatures corresponding to the sending addresses, allowing all users to have full control over sending bitcoins from their own Bitcoin addresses.

Dizzy? Us to. It’s still gibberish and computer geek language. We’ll stick to what we have for now.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk..

The Blanche Report: Ccccoollldd, Здравствуйте и прием

Most leaders of ‘normal’ countries have some kind of security around them. In the case of Obama – putting aside the fake sign language dude in South Africa – the secret service is over the top. Ah, but us Canucks – we’re a breed unto our own. It’s kind of like we live in Newfoundland where everyone says hello to each other and keeps their doors unlocked.

The case in point happened yesterday when Harper – our Prime Minister – was speaking in Vancouver. Two men decided that they wanted to hold up some kind of protest sign right behind where Harper was going to speak. So they went to a thrift shop and for $8 bought a black apron, black pants and a black shirt. They then walked right into the hall where Harper was about to speak. No one asked them for identification, who they were, did they belong there  – you get the point. They waited till Harper went up to the podium and then calmly walked right onstage and held up their sign an inch from Harper’s head. Let’s just say Harper is lucky all they did an inch from his head was hold up a sign. FYI – Harper never missed a step. The man chews nails and spits battleships.

Can someone please tell those guarding the prime minister that it’s not enough to look busy – hehehehehehe.

Obama finally left Hawaii and went back to work. However… His beloved, Michelle, (who insists on wearing sleeveless dresses all the time. It’s just not befitting a foist lady to dress this way, no matter how ripped she thinks she is. But we digress.) is turning 50 in a week or so. Guess what? Obama left her there with a few friends. Nice eh? Except that much of the cost is coming from John Q. Public – close to $100,000. They don’t care now cause they don’t have to run again. Your tax dollars at work.

Sometimes there is a bit of justice. JPMorgan Chase will pay more than $2 billion in penalties for allegedly failing to issue warnings about Madoff’s Ponzi scheme. The bank had no less than a 20 year relationship with him and never figured out what he was up to? Something smells here and it’s not garlic bread. Get this: the bulk of the money will go to the people Madoff ripped off, the rest to the US Treasury. He ripped off way more than $2billion.  Someone should tell the US Treasury to get a life.

While we are not hockey aficionados we were very happy with today’s news. Two Habs were chosen to be on the Canadian olympic hockey team – Carey Price our goalie and PK Subban one of our defenceman and showman extraordinaire. If nothing else, Subban will bring some joie de vivre to the home team’s dressing room (and plane ride no doubt). Two other Habs were also chosen, but they are of Russian descent ergo are playing for the Russian team. Booooo.

The Russian team is probably under threat of death if they don’t win the gold medal so we are certain they will put up a good fight. Na na na na na na na na hey hey goodbye.

The weather is very special this winter. It’s no longer called Global warming cause that sure ain’t happening. It’s now called Climate change.
(Some genius coined that phrase.) You wanna know how cold it is? Here goes: Fairbanks Alaska registered -52 without the wind chill factor. Many cities in North and South Dakota were around -40 with the wind chill. This is sustained cold for many days.

Now for some weather education brought to you by the weather lady – Blanche. All of this cold weather is caused by a polar vortex. Ah, you ask, what the heck is that?

A polar vortex is a large, frigid air mass located near the Earth’s poles. The vortex is a continually circulating a pool of cold air in a counter-clockwise direction. As the air is being circulated in place, it grows colder and denser. This vortex usually hovers around the Arctic, with two centres: one near Canada’s Baffin Island and the other near Siberia.

While it’s normal for the some of the vortex’s frigid air to leach southward during the winter, this year has proved to be exceptional. No kidding?  The vortex is normally present over Baffin Island and north-central Canada for the winter, with the cold air building up over time. But this year the jet stream has dipped far south, dragging a “piece” of the vortex with it through the U.S. prairies and beyond. Got it? In other words, it’s cold and gonna stay that way for a while. Bundle up or snuggle into your covers.

Can we talk? Why is it that even though it is absolutely freezing cold here – as cold as it is in Toronto – we did not shut our airport down for half the day today and Toronto completely buckled under the cold. And we mean completely. At one point either last night or this morning, there were 4,500 people stranded in that airport and they had to call in the police for crowd control.

This of course is brought to you by the same city who, after a snowstorm a couple of years ago, called in the army to help with the clean-up. While Quebec may be somewhat dysfunctional when it comes to our politics, one thing we are not – wooses. 

If you didn’t get a flu shot yet, it’s not too late. Seems there’s a particularly nasty strain of the H1N1 virus again this year. You get that flu once and you’ll never miss another flu shot. It’s n.a.s.t.y.

We know that the Sochi olympics cannot be far off because the Russians have suddenly become totally paranoid about security. Tens of thousands of Russian police, security agents, rescue workers and army troops are being deployed for the games, which run from Feb. 7-23. Vladimir Puchkov, (Now is that a name or what? In Russian it’s pronounced Pukeov- feh) who heads the Emergency Situations Ministry, said all of his security units for Sochi were on duty as of tomorrow. In addition, no ‘strange’ cars are allowed in the area at all. What’s a strange car? Anything not registered in Sochi or without an olympic pass on it.

Now we ask you, how hard is it to have gotten a car registered in Sochi, say in the last year? Not hard at all. You can figure out the rest.

Putin himself has spent the past few days in Sochi. He said athletes, coaches and the media have all received their official accreditation and Russian volunteers and staff are waiting to greet them with the “warmest of welcomes.” In case you were wondering how to say hello and welcome in Russian, here ya go: Здравствуйте и прием.

We’ll talk..

The Blanche Report: Snapchat, Hillary and Da Weather

We have a suggestion for Hillary Clinton, especially if she is planning to run for president. Whatever diet her husband is on, she should start it immediately. He is 67, she is 66 and looks closer to 70 plus, old and tired. Maybe it was all that flying she did when Secretary of State for her good friend Obama. Flying is murder on one’s skin as the dryness of the plane sucks all the moisture out.

Given her current appearance, age and the fact that Americans tend to vote for pretty rather than smart, she should start drinking some green business in the mornings, get a few serious facials and start eating lotsa veggies.

Can we rant for a moment? Why can’t the city be nice for two minutes and suspend the usage of parking meters for December 25 and January 1?  Wait, while they’re at it,  they can let people to ride the busses and metro for free. Are they so money hungry that even on those days they can’t give the public a break? Feh on them.

Rob Ford was the first to file for the mayoral race in Toronto today. The election is next October 27 and people can file for this position until mid September. In case you were wondering, he did lose some weight.

There is a power struggle going on in Toronto and it looks like the public is bearing the brunt of it. In the days after their ice storm a couple of weeks ago, Ford was repeatedly asked whether he would declare a state of emergency, a move that would have ceded emergency powers to Deputy Mayor Norm Kelly. Of course he never did, which lessened the provincial government involvement in helping people. Again, the fat lady didn’t sing yet.

Ever hear of Snapchat? No? Ok – here ya go: Snapchat is a photo messaging  app.  Using the app, users can take photos, record videos, add text and drawings, and send them to their list of recipients. These sent photographs and videos are known as “Snaps”. Users set a time limit for how long recipients can view their snaps, from 1 to 10 seconds,after which they will be hidden from the recipient’s device and deleted from Snapchat’s servers. Got it? Now here’s the issue.

On December 31, hackers reportedly published 4.6 million snapchat usernames and phone numbers on another website for all to see. As one snapchat user posted on line: Deleted my snapchat app because of all the hackers. Feel free to blow my account up. Oy.

Let’s say you want to be very, very happy. Where would you go? We suggest Colorado where they just passed a new law legalizing marijuana. Next up is Alaska. Before that it was Seattle. What do all these places have in common? We will be discreet – they are of the most liberal of liberal states to live. Did you know that in Vermont you can walk around naked – legally? Blanche, quick get the blindfolds. Ya never know which grandma who smoked something thinks she looks like she’s twenty-five again. Yikes!!

In case you were wondering Julian Assange of wikileaks fame is still holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London. It’s been almost a year. Wonder if the walls are closing in on him yet.

If you want to understand how crazy those Chechen muslim terrorists are, they make the PLO look like schoolchildren.
Did you know that those who perpetrated the Boston Marathon bombings were Chechen? The Sochi olympics are putting them front and center in the world press. As they showed last week, they can strike when and where they want at will. May we suggest that if you decide to partake of the games, perhaps watching hockey, stay home and watch in your pajamas. Don’t go to Sochi.

Cold enough for you? Looks like we’re in for the mother of all winters. It’s only January 2 and we’ve already had everything we need for winter to be complete – snowstorms, ice storms, sleet and now -40 with the wind chill. What’s gonna be in February?

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…