No Shortage of Nudniks

Blanche close your eyes when you read this story. Some beauty by the name of Neda got hold of a temporary press pass to get into the National Assembly in Quebec city. Towards the end of the press conference – poof – off came her top and she bared her, um, breasts and proceeded to shriek something totally intelligible.

Can we talk? Is that the only way she could get people to pay attention to her cause? By taking off her clothes in front of hordes of people and yelling? Imagine if everyone else did that? Imagine what all those press people look like without their clothing? Better not to imagine.

Frankly darling, we don’t care what her cause is. Nudniks who take their tops off to make a point need counseling.

Ever go on a juice diet? How about a gluten free diet? Or perhaps carb free. Or maybe fat free. Or how about a fad diet – you know, the ones where you eat cottage cheese in the morning, an egg white for lunch and air for supper. You get the message.

Here’s a headline: Diets don’t work. Statistics have proven that about 80% of people who go on a ‘diet’ and lose weight put it all back plus 10% more. Unless of course one joins a gym. Ah, but the hitch here is that one actually has to go to the gym. Paying membership doesn’t take inches off. It’s the exercise that does.

We are making this point as we were reminded about a juice diet that we tried recently. It took exactly four days for things to hit the fan, literally. Imagine drinking a vat of kale, lettuce, beets and other veggies twice a day? A survey just released has shown that juice diets can lead to nutritional deficiencies, blood sugar problems, fatigue and other goodies. Blanche, just eat like a normal person and you’ll be able to put those clothes in the back your cupboard.

Ever hear of Airbnb? It’s a service that allows people to stay in other people’s homes when they go on vacation. Of course one pays to stay in that home, but there are no taxes and one has an entire house or apartment instead of a small hotel room. Both the homes and people renting are vetted. Or so everyone thought.

In Calgary, a couple rented out their house, ostensibly to four people. Turns out, a busload of people arrived at their house and absolutely trashed it for a few days. Our question is where were the neighbors? Didn’t they hear total insanity next door? Guess what? We’re not renting out our house, nor are we renting someone else’s house. We’ll stick to hotels and yes, get gouged once in a while. But at least we know what we’re getting.

A woman in Rhode Island came home from work to find water gushing from the ceiling. She ran upstairs to see what pipe had burst and guess what she found? A wild turkey sitting in her bathroom. The dude had come into her house via an open window and turned on the tap in her bathroom sink full force with the water running for hours.

911 didn’t really believe her story but sent the police anyway. She’s still smiling even through thousands of dollars of repairs. The moral of the story: Don’t be a tree-hugger. If you want fresh air, leave your window open a bit. Not enough for a turkey or other wild businesses to share your house.

There may be many religions in Montreal, but one of the biggest is hockey, specifically the Montreal Canadiens, aka the Habs. They are in the second round of the playoffs which is great for the economy of the city. However, they are playing Tampa Bay Lightning who have beaten them five times out of five this year. That doesn’t ogre well for the team. Tampa seems to have the Habs number and can ring their bell whenever they so choose.

We certainly don’t want to jinx our team. So those of you who sit in your special chair to watch the game, keep sitting there. Those who wear their special sweater, socks, underwear, pants or hat, keep it up. We need all the luck we can muster.

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