Monthly Archives: April 2016

Here’s a Tip for Ted Cruz: When Life Throws You Lemons, Freeze them and then Throw Them Very Hard at People Making your Life Difficult. John Boehner: Duck.

Who is John Boehner? He’s a republican and was the 53rd Speaker of the United States House of Representatives from 2011 to 2015. Pretty powerful dude. Today, he threw Ted Cruz under the bus,  backed up and ran over him again.

We quote: “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.” Yikes. Ya think he doesn’t like him?

In case that wasn’t enough, Boehner went on to say the following: Don’t be surprised if two weeks before the convention here comes Joe Biden parachuting in and Barack Obama fanning the flames to make it all happen. Boehner is certainly giving the media much fodder.

If you like juicy tidbits, we’ve got one for you.
Blanche, stop drooling. Publisher HarperCollins put out an investigative book about the Clintons by conservative author Peter Schweizer. It  quickly became a best seller. Ready for the name? Clinton Cash: The Untold Story of How and Why Foreign Governments and Businesses Helped Make Bill and Hillary Rich.

As if that wasn’t enough it’s being screened in Cannes this week and will debut in the US a week before the democratic convention which is supposedly going to crown Hillary as queen. Somebody out there really, really doesn’t like Hillary.

As for The Donald, he’s riding a big wave.
Get this: Donald Trump will likely wind up winning the most primary votes of any GOP presidential candidate in modern history. Trump has roughly 10.1 million votes, about 200,000 more than Mitt Romney got during the entire 2012 primary campaign.

Don’t get excited yet if you want Trump to be president. Here’s the result of a very interesting poll recently conducted: Nearly one-in-four voters say they will stay home or vote third party if Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are the major party presidential candidates.

In a national telephone survey of likely U.S. voters Trump and Clinton tied at 38% each. Now that’s something.

After many people somehow got onto the White House grounds, the Secret Service is taking action. They will raise the height of the White House security fence by five feet and add a new concrete foundation.

Blanche, we have been writing about people who can’t wait to jump over that fence only to be met by some vicious dogs. No shortage of nutballs south of the border.

By now every ant has heard about the $5.6 billion Bombardier-Delta deal. Of course it’s not really worth $5.6 billion. That’s the price tag. It’s kind of like going to a factory where they say that’s the suggested price. It’s worth probably half of that.

While we think this is wonderful and the star of Quebec finally made a sale, we have some reservations. It seems from what we have read that Bombardier is one of the most inefficiently run businesses this side of the moon. There are deadlines which must be met in this deal, something Bombardier can’t seem to figure out.

Toronto got majorly screwed when Bombardier could not deliver their subway trains on time and were forced to buy them elsewhere. Time will tell if they can actually ship the goods on time. No doubt there are late penalties.

Shortened version of Blanche today due to the onset of the second days of Passover tonight.

Good Shabbos,
We’ll talk…

Note to Hillary: Don’t Stress About Your Eyesight As You Get Older. It’s Natures Way of Protecting You From Shock As You Pass By a Mirror.

Blanche, sometimes someone comes along and says exactly what we were thinking. Jackie Mason, one of the funniest comedians around, who happens to be Jewish and actually says it, had much to say about Bernie Sanders. It is to be noted that the following words are Mason’s, but truth be told, they echo our sentiments exactly.

“A schmuck like Bernie Sanders pops out who doesn’t even know what’s going on and doesn’t care. Because to him Israel getting wiped out is no problem. Climate change is the only problem. To him, the most important thing in the world is climate change. If Israel gave up their country but they fought for climate change, he would love Israel. In ten minutes, they would be his favorite country.”

Jackie Mason got it right and is not afraid to say the truth. Imagine if Ted Cruz who is an evangelist ignored his religion and pretended it didn’t exist? It wouldn’t go over well and people would look at him like a strange bird. Which is exactly what Sanders is – a strange bird afraid to say who he is and where he came from. In the end, if you don’t know who you are how can you lead other people?

Here’s a story that if we tried to make up we wouldn’t be able to. In an east end neighborhood in Montreal, some blue collar workers were given the task of painting white lines on the street for the cyclists. Now you have to admit this is not a very difficult job considering they have special equipment. They are not painting the lines with a paintbrush on their hands and knees. Well, here in la belle province, it became a a job for rocket scientists.

Why you ask? Because the streets were not cleaned from the winter dirt and were full of cups, dead squirrels and birds, bags, food, stones you name it. Now as the painter of white lines what would you have done? Most likely made a phone call to the powers that be and tell them that the streets need to be cleaned before the lines are painted. What did these painters do? They painted right over the dead squirrels, cups, stones and bags. Ergo the lines are, to put it mildly, not straight.

In comes Mayor Coderre riding to the rescue. He is going to send in the top of the line painters, retrain 90 blue-collar employees on how to paint straight lines and here’s the best part, call in experts on how to remove the current crooked lines in order to repaint straight ones. We kid you not, this is where your tax dollars are being spent.

Here’s a headline for the mayor: try turpentine to get rid of the paint. Works all the time. Then clean the streets and call in the most genius of the line painters to get the job done a second time. Hey, are the crooked line painters getting paid? If this sounds like a three stooges movie, it is… only you’re paying for it.

In order to stop Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and John Kaisch devised a plot. In states where one of them has no chance to win the primary, that person will bow out and let it be a two man race rather than splitting the votes between themselves and Trump.

Well, their plan worked for about ten minutes. Both challengers have vowed to win in an open convention in Cleveland, and they remain irreconcilable on key matters of policy. As well, their agreement dealt only with three states, leaving an open question as to how directly they might compete with each other everywhere else.

The big prize tonight is Indiana which Kaisch gave to Cruz. That is until he decided to keep his visit Indianapolis on Tuesday for a fund-raising event plus attend meetings scheduled with a series of Indiana Republicans, including Gov. Mike Pence.

People like to back a winner and this pact is highlighting in flashing neon lights, without Trump doing a thing, that he is the winner Cruz and Kaisch are trying to stop.

In the happy-you-are-not-him category, Anthony Weiner is back, albeit in a different role.

In 2013, former U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner decided to run for mayor in an attempt to rehabilitate his image after a sexting scandal drove him from office. Remember he was texting the southern parts of his body to women other than his wife (Huma Abedin) who happens to be attached at the hip to Hillary?

Instead he got caught up in yet another sexting scandal but this time a documentary film crew was there to record the whole thing which they did.  This week the documentary will be shown of the whole business.  Don’t you think that when the brains were given out his mother thought they said trains and we don’t want any?

And one more minute.  Ya think any of the stuff hitting the fan will get stuck to Hillary?

We haven’t needed the barf bag in a long time. Blanche, time to dig out da big one. Hillary said that if elected president half her cabinet would be women. What a stupid thing to say. Her cabinet should be made up of the best people she can find, men or women. Pandering to feminists is really groveling.

Where Did All The Money Go? It’s Like Hocus, Pokus Montreal is Brokus. P.S. Try the Snow Removal Companies.

New York state is in quite the mess today. In a normal election year, the primary in the Empire state is a big yawn. Not so today. It is being watched everywhere and the stakes are high. Given that, somebody didn’t do their homework because many, many polling stations are either not ready or not equipped for the heavy influx of voters.

In Brooklyn polling stations were locked with the keys inside. Insanely, the polls opened at 6:00 am. In another location the electric ballots were not working and there were no paper ballots. Elsewhere, some dude saw the voters list with his dead mother’s name there. She died six years ago. Oops.

It will be interesting to see the results of today’s primary. Trump already has 796 delegates and New York has 95 up for grabs. The magic number is 1237 to avoid what will most likely be a catastrophic vote at the convention. Interesting times.

It seems that the old money-in-the-sock trick is alive and well in Montreal especially when it comes to snow removal. It’s still who you know in city hall that gets you the contract and your friend a nice wad of cash.

While snow clearing is important, one has to wonder what kind of corruption is going on with the massive Turcot construction project. Remember the super hospital and what happened there? Everybody made money, whether you worked on the site or not.

And in case you had nothing to worry about today there were pictures of an aging, corroded Mercier bridge. Now dats bad news as the Champlain bridge is almost collapsing and that’s not gonna be ready for a very long time. If you’re looking to make some money, may we suggest someone invent a car that floats in case one of those bridges takes a dive into the St. Lawrence.

You know those metal detectors at the airport, the ones that create long lines? Well guess where else they are.  At political rallies. Blanche, you cannot fathom how many hordes of people are lined up just to get through two detectors. Wait, it gets better.

TSA – Transport and Security agents with their yummy blue latex gloves are hand searching through the clothes and bags of attendees. Whatever happened to the innocence of just holding up a sign and cheering in support of your candidate?

We follow Queen Elizabeth on Twitter. Did you know that when she or someone writes something about her, she is referred to as One? As in: One has released a limited edition t-shirt and tea towel in celebration of one’s 90th.

Simultaneous translation: the Queen is turning 90 and you can get a dishtowel in her honor. Those Brits are something special. A dishtowel.

Blanche, can we talk about transgender bathrooms? What the …. is that? Here’s the scoop: Either you know how to go to the bathroom and in which bathroom you belong or you don’t and if you don’t know who you are or how to go the bathroom, wear a diaper. Men don’t belong in women’s bathrooms and women don’t belong in men’s bathrooms. Get a life.

We’ll talk…

Bernie to Hillary: No, They Didn’t Say You Were a Liar. They Said You Are a Liar. There’s Nothing Past Tense About That.

While Blanche is certainly not Trump’s cheerleader, we were rather impressed the other night while watching his children being interviewed, together with him and his wife Melania on CNN. All of his children are well-spoken and look normal, whatever normal is. Most impressive  was his daughter Ivanka. She’s articulate, thinks before she opens her mouth (unlike her father) and seems to be grounded. There is definitely something to say about a parent who can produce functioning, well-rounded adults. If only the Donald wouldn’t be such a narcissist.

Now, if Ivanka could convince her father to lose the comb-over and change his hair color from mustard to something more normal she would go to the head of the class.

The political pundits are saying that unless Zaidy Bernie hits a grand slam in tonight’s debate with Hillary, he’s going to be toast in the New York primary and will fall very far behind her in delegate numbers. Given that, there were 27,000 people at a rally he held yesterday. Blanche, how does anyone know that there were 27,000 people there? Does everyone come in via a counting gate? Can someone eyeball such a large number of people? But we digress.

Watch out for the ‘religious’ issue to be asked to Sanders. Nobody can figure out why he is so reluctant to say he’s a Jew. It seems the word never leaves his lips yet at some rallies he says his religion is his guiding principle. It wasn’t so guiding when asked to speak to an all Jewish audience at AIPAC when he flat out refused to talk.

Bernie and Hillary despise each other and as Bernie has nothing to lose, he’s going to go after her with both guns blazing. His problem is that he’s not always prepared with answers to his policies. Exactly how is he going to implement those socialist policies of his? If he can’t answer some basic questions tonight he best buy himself a good toaster.

Blanche also watched Ted and Heidi Cruz in their family interview. As a couple they deserve each other. If you can imagine it, they are both slimy. She tries to sound nice but you know those people who are ready to pounce at any moment? That’s her. She ain’t no pushover and don’t try to push her.

What we found insane were the moronic questions from the planted audience. ‘What’s your favorite movie? Where did you meet? Do you listen to your wife? Really? This man is running for president of the United States, you have a chance to ask a question and it’s about movies?

We can tell you Donald didn’t get those questions. CNN is not shy to show their support, that’s for sure.

Trump must be very happy today. Tens of thousands of Americans will decline to report to work Thursday because of labor disputes. Included in these numbers are nearly 40,000 Verizon employees who walked off the job yesterday in search of assurances that their positions will not be outsourced or automated in the near future, after contract talks with the company stalled.

They are also looking for job security. Guess what? So is everyone else in the world. Job security left long ago. Remember when people started to work for General Motors at 18 years old and retired from the same company at 55? Those days are a thing of the past.

Well, not exactly. If one works for the government in la belle province, now dats a lifetime job because OPM – other people’s money is paying their salary.

Good Shabbos
We’ll talk…

Some People Aren’t Missing The Odd Screw. The Whole Freakin Tool Box is Gone.

In all of Canada guess where the most sightings of UFO’s are? Quel surprise – here in la belle province. Now why do you think that is?

Could it be because french Canadians have a few too many Molsons? Or, could it be because the some people here are just one chip shy of bag? Or maybe one tool shy of a toolbox. Or maybe one cornflake shy of a box? It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman! Away donc la!

If you are looking for something to do in 2017 we have a lead for you. Mayor Codere is looking for 6,000 volunteers to help out with Montreal’s 375th birthday party. He can’t pay you because he already spent your pay – $40 million – on lights for the Jacques Cartier bridge.

So not only will you not get paid for this job, but Codere is picky, picky picky. Ya gotta be dynamic, polite and have strong interpersonal skills. Wait it gets better. You also have to pay for your own transportation to get to your non-paid job.

Here’s a newsflash for Codere: Be a nice guy and give free bus and metro cards to the geniuses you will hire to represent the city.

Blanche don’t you wish you worked for the Habs?
You could get paid a gzillion dollars, show up for games but never play because you are not accountable and then beginning in April get a six month paid vacation. Doesn’t this sound like the perfect job?

After their end of season news conference, the Habs said that all top management will stay in place. Can we talk? Ya can’t fire the owner who it seems is at the core of this issue. While his last name may be Molson as in the beer, it obviously does not mean he knows how to run a hockey team. In fact, it has become crystal clear that he has not a clue how to run a team. In which case Montreal is doomed to watching years of boring, spoiled, lazy players.

In the oops department, Tesla Motors is recalling its Model X sport utility vehicles, agreeing to replace more than 325,000 pre-orders after strength tests revealed issues with the car’s third-row seats. You heard it here first – this is just the beginning of recalls and replacements for this car.

Muclair is toast. At the NDP convention on Sunday, he had one last shot at keeping his position of leader. His speech was, to put it mildly, boring and lackluster. The vote was taken and instead of the 75% that he had hoped for, he got a failing grade of 48%. He was out. But wait. He’s not quite gone yet.

On his own he decided that until a new leader is chosen in no less than two years, he will remain leader.

Harper lost the election, was on a plane to Calgary the next day and the Conservative party quickly chose an interim leader. He was smart enough to know that until a new leader is chosen the best place for him to be is out of the limelight. Unfortunately, Mulcair doesn’t think the same way. We want to know why someone would even want to hang around a place where they know nobody likes them. Ya can’t buy common sense.

Goldman Sachs, one of the most powerful investment banks on Wall Street, agreed on Monday to pay $5.06 billion – yes Blanche, dats with a B – to settle allegations that it sold packages of shoddy mortgages to investors during the period leading up to the financial crisis.

But, similar to other massive settlements reached with large banks over the last few years, no individual bank employee is being held responsible for the alleged bad behavior that led to the settlement. Got that?

No one is going to sit for robbing the poor and middle class blind. People involved in that scandal made the mother of all fortunes. The fine given to them is a drop in the bucket. This is one of the reasons that Donald Trump is doing as well as he is. People are just sick and tired of being taken advantage of and Trump has all the right phrases to push their buttons.

The mayor of New York, Bill di Blasio and Hillary Clinton told one of the most off-color jokes we have heard in a long time, with black actor Leslie Odom Jr. right beside them.
Di Blasio was endorsing Hillary and she quipped “What took you so long.”

His response? Remember, Blanche didn’t say this, she just writes it: “Sorry Hillary, I was running on C.P. time.” What is C.P. time? Literally translated it means colored people time, a quip at the stereotype that black people often run late. Odom remarked that he did not like that quip at all. No kidding.

Here’s the best part of this whole gefuflement: Obama defended di Blasio.

We’ll talk…

I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Really Intelligent and My Head Couldn’t Hold Any More So It Started Filling Up The Rest of Me.

Blanche  go git the barf bag, Hillary’s at it again. In her delusional quest to make the public think she’s one of the peeps, she took the subway today in Manhattan. She’s so out of touch that it took her a good 10 seconds to get the card into the slot to get through the big gates. Seriously?

We are not sure if she ever took a subway in her life and if she did, it was a lifetime ago. All she did today is most likely cause a huge backlog of people trying to get to work and make a living making them wait until the press got all the photo ops necessary.

Why can’t she just be who she is – part of the 1% that Zaidy Bernie is going after?

Donald Trump, Mr. I’m bringing jobs back to the US, sounds like he’s speaking with forked tongue. 20,000 Ivanka scarves were recalled because they are highly flammable. Guess where they were made? China.  Can’t be. Her father is jumping up and down at every stop wearing that Make America Great Again hat. Looks like Ivanka didn’t get the memo.

John Kaisch screwed up while campaigning in Queens. He was served a slice of pizza and started eating it with a knife and fork. That is a no-no especially if he’s trying to be like the local yokels. To make amends  for his pizza gaffe he is scoffing thousands of calories of rich, meat-laden sandwiches prepared for him by loving Italians. He’s not going to feel very well if he keeps eating like a ferd.

If you saw a left-behind bright-colored jacket between the airport in Brussels and the Chaussée de Louvain, referring to a street that enters Schaerbeek, or if you saw the offender while he was on the run, or if you know which way he went afterward, please contact the investigators.

Brussels police have a long video of the man with the jacket and hat walking in the airport with the other two terrorists who went on to blow themselves up. He is seen leaving the airport walking then jogging. The video is grainy and he was obviously wearing clothing to disguise himself.

It would do the Brussels police well to start sharing this and other information not only with the public but with the 10 other police forces in the city and residents of Paris. They are out of their league. If they were not so stubborn and we won’t use the other word, they would have called the Mosad in Israel long ago. Israel deals with this 24/7 and have been doing so for decades. They should stop trying to invent the wheel and save face. Then they might actually get the damn job done before something else happens.

We really liked Rudy Guillani, ex mayor of New York. However, he has come out in favor of Trump and now we are looking at him with different eyes. We can only guess that something must be in it for him. He’s got to be smarter than this.

Blanche is wading into a subject close to her heart. There is a young woman who was working in a plus-size store who posted the following on her Facebook page: Conquering the world, one well-dressed fat lady at a time. The store thought her vocabulary was offensive and fired her. Can we talk?

Call it what you want, plus size, curvy or shapely – fat is fat. And guess what? Fat women have mirrors and know exactly what they look like. They also know what they want to look like – well-dressed and put together just like everyone else. Of course Blanche would like to be size 4 or 6. Alas, we have been trying to conquer our weight  since we were sixteen years old. If we were meant to be thin guess what? We would be thin!! We try to lose weight but after a few days of depriving ourselves of anything but tree bark and water, find it impossible to sustain the ‘diet’.

We tried juicing. Now that’s special. Drinking a vat of greens does one thing: gives gas. That lasted three days and we almost levitated. We tried no carbs. That lasted four days but due to shaking we had to have a small piece of bread which of course was attached to the the rest of the loaf.

Why can’t people just be happy with who they are? As long as exercise is a word in our vocabulary it seems to be healthier to stay at one weight rather than yo-yo up and down. We concur with that young lady: Conquer the world one well-dressed fat lady at a time.

Good Shabbos
We’ll talk…

Squirrel Brains and Apple Pie

Blanche got wiped out tonight. Instead of saving some little dirtball on the internet erased tonight’s entire blog. We are re-writing it but shucks this is fech.

The United Nations, a blight on humanity, passed one of its more disgusting things: The UN Commission on the Status of Women concluded its 60th annual session in New York by condemning only Israel – and no other nation in the world – as an abuser of women’s rights.

The UN Human Rights Council concluded its month-long session in Geneva last week by condemning Israel five times more than any other of the 192 UN member states.

Anyone who supports that place needs to have their head examined.

Bernie Sanders is showing his true colors, a left of left Liberal self-hating Jew.
He accused Israel of killing over 10,000 innocent civilians during 2014’s war with Gazan terrorists – in a gross inflation of the casualty statistics.

He then said the following when told that number appeared to be rather inflated: “I don’t have it in my number…but I think it’s over 10,000. My understanding is that a whole lot of apartment houses were leveled. Hospitals, I think, were bombed. So yeah, I do believe and I don’t think I’m alone in believing that Israel’s force was more indiscriminate than it should have been.”

We will also remind you that Bernie is the only candidate that refused to speak at the AIPAC conference, snubbing the Jewish community. Very special that Bernie.

Sam Hamad decided that once he wasn’t working due to allegations that he received donations from a firm tied to another sneaky Liberal Marc-Yvan Côté, also up for taking money that didn’t belong to him, he should go golfing in Florida. After all, the weather here is nasty.

Can we talk? Where the heck is the leader of this province? Philip Couillard may be a genius surgeon but as a leader he’s asleep at the wheel. Does he not see that the visual of Hamad in Florida is very bad? Is he so cut-off from the little people that he could care less what they think of him or his party? Is he so insulated by those around him that he forgot he’s the premier? He’s turning out to be a huge, huge disappointment and acting just like the rest of the liberal party – entitled.

Montreal’s mayor Denis Codere is another beauty. His obsession with getting a baseball team in Montreal is, to say the least, unrealistic. Guess how much it costs to bring a team here? $650 millionish. Now how much is it to build a stadium? Here in la belle province we will say $2 billion. $1 billion for the stadium and another $1 billion for bribes and money in socks etc.

It seems Codere travels around Montreal in a helicopter otherwise he would know the streets are one big sinkhole waiting to happen, the turcot fixing-up looks like a puzzle with no pieces that fit and the empty stores on major streets are an awful eyesore.

Throwing out that baseball at the game in the Big Owe he looked a bit like Youpee without the costume. Blanche, that’s not nice. He also has quite the corporation to feed. Really Blanche, you are dizguzting.

Donald Trump must be very nervous about Wisconsin as he brought out his wife to speak today.
Milenia is very beautiful and speaks rather well, albeit with a heavy Slovenia accent. However, we cannot believe that she identifies with women say, in the hills of Kentucky to eat squirrel brains for supper with apple pie and ice cream for dessert.

Get used to the Panama Papers. They are here to stay for a very long time. Here’s what you have to know:

What are the Panama Papers: The more-than 11 million documents, which date back four decades, are allegedly connected to Panama law firm Mossack Fonseca. The firm helped establish secret shell companies and offshore accounts for global power players. A 2015 audit found that Mossack Fonseca knew the identities of the real owners of just 204 of 14,086 companies it had incorporated in Seychelles, an Indian Ocean archipelago often described as a tax haven.

Who’s Who in the Zoo: The documents reference 12 current or former world leaders, as well as 128 other politicians and public officials. In addition to allegations involving associates of Putin, the Russian leader isn’t himself mentioned by name in any of the documents and FIFA. The papers also accuse the prime minister of Iceland, Sigmundur David Gunnlaugsson, of having ties, through his wife, to an offshore company that were not properly disclosed. He has already resigned. Argentina’s President Mauricio Macri is alleged to have failed to disclose links to a company in his asset declarations.

What are they Saying: The Kremlin has dismissed the allegations as “a series of fibs” aimed at discrediting Putin ahead of elections. FIFA, the international soccer governing body, called them “ridiculous.” No surprise there.

Who Spilled the Beans? Again no surprise: an anonymous source claiming that he or she was concerned by what they saw. The person said they were now scared for their life. No kidding.

As we are sending this out, Ted Cruz won Wisconsin. Trump is in twouble. Sanders is cleaning up over Clinton. How the mighty fall.

We’ll talk…