Monthly Archives: May 2016

Doesn’t Coderre Wish Everything Was As Easy As Getting Fat?

If you live in Montreal you are no doubt thinking the following: How does our mayor find the time to mix into everyone’s business? Every time we turn around he’s there with a ‘brilliant’ idea. Doesn’t he have a job with a to-do list?

Did you ever have a coffee or meal on a terrace? If you live in Montreal, no matter what kind of food you eat, it’s the right of passage from winter into summer. Well, Mayor Coderre has decided that it’s not a good thing that these terraces are located close to the restaurants they belong to. That would just be sensible. Instead, he wants them pushed away from the establishment they belong to. In Old Montreal, a place teeming with tourists, he wants said terraces placed in the middle of a square. Can we talk?

Here’s one scenario: A waiter is balancing his four piping hot onion soups on a tray resting on his shoulder. He manages to get himself around the tourists until…one little kid runs away from his mother and smashes right into him.( At least there’s no gorilla) The hot soup goes flying, the kid gets burned and Coderre won. Let’s bet the restaurant owners take him to court and this goes the same way as the caleches – against the mayor. Coderre is going to lose face again and if that happens, he will make very sure his next brainwave idea goes through.

Once we’re on the subject of Coderre, there’s one more stupidity that has blown off the stupid charts. The gazebo to honor Mordechai Richler which was supposed to have been built years ago. Well, it’s not built and now the price has gone to $725,000 for a few small bits of wood.

Here’s the deal on this one ladies and gents: Montreal has a history of being, shall we say, not so nice to the Jews.

It’s not a secret that Richler wrote a number of articles published in the United States and Great Britain, which many Québécois separatists considered offensive. Of course we’re not saying Coderre is a separatist, but he knows which side his bread is buttered on and as Richler is now pushing up grass, he’d rather tick off the Jews than the French Canadians. Get the drift? He’s not interested in honoring Richler because he’s Jewish and he does not like Jews who ditz separatists and/or needs their votes in the next election. He could be a bit more subtle, n’est pas?

Harambe was a gorilla who is now dead. No doubt the animal was beautiful, albeit caged. Last week a family went to the zoo,  their four year old slipped away for two seconds and wound up sitting beside Harambe, the gorilla. How he got there is another story. Obviously the place is not baby-proof.

The save-the-whales,save-the-trees and now, save-the-gorillas holier-than-thou people would rather the zookeepers shoot the kid than the gorilla. Blanche, how can you say that? Well, they started an online petition seeking “justice for Harambe” through criminal charges that has earned more than 300,000 signatures.

Who exactly are they charging? The four-year old? The zoo people who saved the kids life? The parents? The world is going to hell in a hand basket in real time.

Every nutball known to man seems to be coming out of the closet to support Bernie Sanders. Recently a group charged the podium where Zaidy Bernie was speaking. They were swiftly tackled by the secret service. Fear not, it didn’t even cause a blip in his speech. Bernie just kept going. So who were these nutcases?

A few men egged on by Sanders’ support for animal agriculture. Lest you think we are exaggerating in calling them nutballs, here’s what they said: “We expect Bernie Sanders, the progressive candidate, to support more radical action to provide animals not just with improved conditions but with legal rights to be free from harm.” Got that?

In other words, kiss your steaks goodbye if Bernie gets elected and these people have a strong lobby.

Given the ilk that is attracted to Bernie, Blanche has some advice for anyone living in Philadelphia where the Democratic convention will be held from July 25-28. Get the heck outta town. It’s going to be ugly,  with rioting and all that comes with it – fires and looting.

The new polls with Clinton running against Trump in the general election are out and Hillary must be needing some heavy duty tranquilizers. Either that or she’s firing everyone around her.

On July 1, 2015 Clinton was at 53.5% of the popular vote and Trump at 33.7%. Today? Hillary 43.8, Trump 42.8. Tied.

To add to her troubles, the Clinton camp thought that it would be a Clinton coronation in the California primary. Instead, she’s in a dog fight with Bernie who really is like a pit bull clamped onto her leg and won’t let go. He’s in it for the long run no matter who asks him to back off. Hey – maybe the dudes who shot the gorilla should have a ‘talk’ with Bernie?

Mark this date on your calendar of events: June 23, 2016. That’s the day Brits vote to stay or exit the European Union.

Right-wing populists are trying to make their country great again by keeping immigrants out and negotiating great deals. Sound familiar? Maybe like Trump?

In Britain’s case, the U.K. Independence Party (UKIP) wants to leave free trade zone that is the EU. Why? Because they are hoping for a new free trade pact with said same EU that wouldn’t require them to follow Brussels’ missives on, say, how strong vacuum cleaners are allowed to be (seriously), or, more saliently, how many immigrants they have to accept from the rest of Europe.

So why is this happening? Very simple. People in Britain are poorer than they thought they’d be and don’t feel like they can afford to be as generous to immigrants anymore.

Sounds very much like what Trump is trying to do. You can bet your bippy that Trump is watching this vote very closely.

In case you had nothing to worry about when traveling, like terrorists, planes falling out of the sky or lost luggage, we have one more thing for you. Fragrances.

Hotels are pumping floral, mint or vanilla fragrances through their ventilation systems especially if they allow pets. If you are sensitive or worse, allergic to those smells, you’re in a deep dog doodoo, pardon the pun. Best call ahead to see if your hotel is one of the culprits.

We’ll talk…

Justin’s Sense of The Right Thing At the Right Time Left the Station Without Him.

Here’s the issue with Trump: Last week when that Egyptair fell out of the sky, Trump said the following: Planes don’t just fall out of the sky. Pilots say something if there’s a problem with the plane. This was a terrorist attack.

To say that he was lambasted would be the understatement of the year. In the end of course, he will most likely be proven right. So what’s the issue?

The media and politicians have an order as to how to feed the public information. Trump doesn’t have such an order. He says what people think and often, how things play out. Honestly, who thought that anything else happened to that plane?

On the other hand, if he were the president, he could absolutely not say that in public. He has to play the game so he would either have masking tape on his mouth or have his handlers keep him isolated or learn self-control. We choose the middle option.

In case you didn’t know, he’s basically tied with Hillary, so it could very well be that he will be sitting in the White House next May. Someone best get a holding room ready.

We’re a bit on the prudish side when it comes to intimate things, but we would be remiss if we did not write something about that lowlife Bill Cosby. What an gross human being. Blanche, you do know that he admitted in a deposition that he gave women Quaaludes to have his way with them while they were unconscious?

Over 50 women have come forward thus far and today he was finally told he has to stand trial for what he did to one of those women. Unfortunately, the statute of limitations ran out on the rest. Hopefully justice will be done and the fact that he’s a ‘movie star’ will have a minus effect on the outcome.

In the space of two hours, over $12.8 million was illegally withdrawn from 1,400 ATM machines in Japan.

Each card was used only for a single transaction worth around $914, but the grand total was just under $13 million. So how long did this take? The thieves started withdrawing cash on Sunday, May 15th, at 5:00AM, and completed the entire process just before 8:00AM targeting cash machines in Tokyo and 16 other districts.

Why didn’t the banks figure out what was happening? Ah…Because it was a day when banks were closed and the cards used belonged to a bank in  South Africa. They had enough time for the members of the gang to leave Japan without being in any danger of getting caught by police. Whoever planned this is very, very smart.

Montreal’s construction festival is well underway as is the tourist industry. Unfortunately, the geniuses who make the signs telling people about detours etc have a pea for a brain. One pea, not two. People who exit the subway in Old Montreal are met with a massive ugly, noisy mess and virtually no signage as to which way to get their destination.

Here’s a memo to our big-mouth mayor: Stop worrying about caleche drivers and getting baseball to Montreal and start concentrating on tourism which brings in money to merchants who are taxed to death and buried in bureaucracy.

Yet another display of PDA – public display of affection by Sophie and Justin. In case you missed it, we encourage you to get the small barf bag before looking at the front page of the National Post.

The two love birds are gazing lovingly into each others eyes as they walk off the plane on their visit to Japan. Ah, but while giving each other googoo eyes, there is an honor guard standing at attention watching.

Can we talk? We’re sure they are very much in love, but there’s a time and place for everything. That was not the time nor the place. If the public is looking to our prime minister to give them a real time reality show, well, they have found their stars. For those however, looking for a leader and Prime Minister, well, you’re gonna have to wait a few more years till the next election.

The US admitted 80 Syrian refugees on Tuesday and 225 on Monday, setting a new single-day record, as President Obama surges to try to meet his target of 10,000 approvals this year — sparking renewed fears among security experts who say corners are being cut to meet a political goal.

Officials insisted they’re moving faster because they’re getting better at screening, and say they’re still running all the traps on applicants. Spare us.

If ‘officials’ can’t get people to their planes on time due to insanely slow security checks, they are certainly not getting better at screening anybody. Obama is a left of left of left liberal who thinks he’s saving the world by letting in people who could very well turn out to be terrorists.

Remember – not every muslim is a terrorist, but every terrorist is a muslim. Not vetting those people properly is asking for trouble which, if materializes will be after Obama is gone from office and he’ll blame the incoming president for being a neophyte.

We’ll talk…

Trump to the Media: My Mouth is Not a Bakery and Therefore I Do Not Sugarcoat Anything. Deal With It.

Blanche watched ‘the’ video of Trudeau stomping across the aisle, shoving his way through the crowd trying to stall a vote, pull a guy by his arm and in doing so, elbow Ruth Ellen Brosseau, aka Miss Las Vegas in the chest. Looks like she learned a few things while there, as her drama queen antics rival any actress. (She was elected the first time while vacationing in Las Vegas.)

Trudeau and his missives envision him as king of the castle aka perfect. His sunny ways is beyond obnoxious.  There is no doubt that Trudeau lost his patience, which shows a definite level of immaturity. The said elbow into the chest was an accident. His back was to the Brosseau and while swinging around he nailed her.

He has so far apologized three times. Rona Ambrose wants a parliamentary inquiry. Tom Muclair looked like a raving maniac when he started shouting at Trudeau. This is what we pay our elected officials to do? Move on.

What’s the juiciest part of this story? Harper was in the House of Commons for the vote. How sweet it is.

There’s a saying that goes like this: When it stinks, it stinks from the head down. That is exactly what is happening with Bernie Sanders. His rhetoric is ramping up the violence and stirring a pot that doesn’t need stirring.

After people threw chairs onto the stage in Nevada and acted like raving lunatics, instead of trying to quiet his ardent fans, Sander identified the Democratic party as an essentially corrupt, moribund institution which is now on notice that it must let ‘the people’ in. That’ll get the nutballs going.

None of this of course will get him the nomination. What it will do is make sure the convention coming up in July in Philly will be a slug fest. What a loser.

Yet another plane has disappeared into thin air. Egyptair left Paris en route to Cairo and poof, just like that it was gone. This time however, it didn’t leave from a middle east country. It left from Paris, where one would think the sweeping of planes for bombs is a bit more sophisticated than Cairo.

It would be much better if we found out someone on the inside planted a bomb on the plane after it was swept. The alternative is much worse. That someone did get checked and got on board with an undetectable bomb. What’s even more scary is that no group has come forward to take responsibility. See the USA in your Chevrolet is becoming more enticing.

Last week, Morley Safer, one of the mainstay correspondents of 60 Minutes for over 40 years announced his retirement at the age of 84. He died today. Insane.

Here’s something you haven’t heard about at all: the summer olympics coming up in three months in Brazil. Don’t read this next part if you’re eating.

A city employee skimmed the surface of the water snagging a candy wrapper, along with a dead fish. Down the shoreline, an old refrigerator floated by.

That is Guanabara Bay in Rio de Janeiro – soon to be home to the best sailors in the world as they compete in the Olympic sailing event. The bay is so polluted with human feces from the city’s inadequate sewage system, that health officials worry that anyone who comes in contact with its water, risks infection. Ich.

And instead of the athletes dominating the news, a small bug called zika is doing so. Seems countries are taking this very seriously as this little insect can cause a lot of harm with no cure. The South Korean team will have long sleeve shirts and long pants treated with chemicals to repel mosquitoes.

In case you didn’t know, Brazil is a very, very poor country. But because they have these games coming in a blink, they have mobilized more than 200,000 military personnel who will join the private sector and volunteers to eliminate mosquito breeding grounds.

Seems people are heeding Blanche’s advice and staying home to watch the games on their televisions. Only 50% of the tickets have been sold, way, way down from the London games in 2012.

Sanders is the Kind of Crazy We Were Not Warned About Because No One Knew That Level Existed

Seems Sanders didn’t get the memo yet that Hillary is going to win the presidential nomination.

At 74 years old, he’s in fine form and obviously in great shape. Where does he come from again? Oh, right. Vermont. Hiking, running up hills, chasing squirrels, hugging trees. He runs from city to city like we run to the bathroom. He could be the ever-ready bunny’s zaidy. Oh wait. He doesn’t like to say he’s Jewish.

Right now, even though he keeps winning primaries, Hillary has 2,240 delegates while he is lagging behind at 1,473. The big prize however will come from the super-delegates at the convention and she’s cleaning up on that one, 524 to 40.

So what’s the point of staying in the race? In his socialist dream world, he thinks the super-delegates will switch over to him at the convention. Here’s a headline for Bernie: Make sure your cottage in Vermont is still in working order cause you’re going back there very soon.

Engineers in the city of Montreal who are responsible for supervision and quality control work on work-sites managed by the city are on strike.
Anyone take a guess what these dudes really do?

They are responsible for supervision and quality control for all city construction work, including paving and replacement of sewer pipes. Can we talk? Could they not be the most inept bunch hired by the city? And they are on strike? Are they not the ones who have little envelopes tucked neatly into their socks?

Of course they picked the construction festival to walk off the job. In the middle of winter no one would have noticed. Instead they have put many sites on hold, leaving merchants to pay taxes and endure what will most likely be extra months of work in front of their establishments.

If we are not mistaken, it is these people who were responsible for more than one overhead bridge collapsing. Instead of striking, may we suggest going back to university to learn the tools of their trade? Or, stop taking bribes and watering down asphalt and cement. Dizguzting.

Going back to Sanders for a minute, it appears he is unable or unwilling to control his adoring fans. At a convention in Nevada, his minions were cursing, shouting obscene gestures and gross insults including crude comments about, shall we say
female parts. One wonders who exactly are his followers.

Now here’s something scary to think about…Hill and Bill. Ya got that? Hillary running for president and Bill for the vice.

In 1967, the federal anti-nepotism law was enacted partly as a reaction to John F. Kennedy’s appointment of his brother Robert as attorney general. It prohibits any official in the three branches of government, including the president, from appointing a relative to a job over which that official has authority or control. This means Mr. Clinton could not be a cabinet secretary or an ambassador, or White House chief of staff. But Blanche, he could be the vice-president. Spare us.

Here’s a vacation that in a million years Blanche would not go on – a cruise ship holding 7,000 passengers and 2300 crew. The luxury liner has 20 dining options, 23 swimming pools and seven “neighborhoods” — complete with a tree-lined Central Park. Neighborhoods? One shudders to think what would happen on that boat if someone came down with a communicable disease.

Time to Stop Asking How Dumb People Can Get. People Seem to Be Taking It As A Challenge

Uber looks like it will be short-lived here in la belle province. The whole point is that people just take their car, join up to be an Uber driver and bob’s your uncle. As the rider, you join, hit the app and poof! your car is waiting. It’s clean, simple, no waving on the street for a taxi in the pouring rain and no money changes hands.

The taxi industry fought hard to keep Uber out of here and it looks like they won. During the few months Uber was on the scene, taxi drivers were told they had to wear clean clothes, no eating in their cars and to get machines to take credit cards. Now that Uber is almost history, why do we think that none of the above will ever happen?

Competition is what makes people and companies better themselves. If you’re the only game in town well, let’s just say not much change has to occur.

Imagine this one: A computer glitch closed tens of Loblaws stores today. Seems their computers could not finish the sales. Aren’t you happy that you’re not their tech company?

Blanche put The Donald as the third story.
After all, how much can you read about him?

First new mayor of London, a muslim, said that Trump has ignorant views of muslims. He’s not the brightest chip in the box for saying this as Trump could very well be the next president. Of course it didn’t help that Trump said he would ‘make an exception’ to allow the new mayor into the country should he be elected president and enact the ban. Honestly, politics has become a reality show.

Paul Ryan, the highest ranking republican met with Trump today. Right now Ryan can’t openly support him. Make no mistake here, Ryan is eyeing the 2020 presidential election and is treading very carefully so as not to make a mistake that will come back to bite him in a couple of years.

The republican establishment has no choice but to support The Donald. He’s not going away.

And then there’s Sanders –  an old, angry, socialist spewing ideas that Russia left behind decades ago. We have an idea: Let Sanders go live in Russia now, even without socialism. We’ll see how fast he changes his mind. Free college for everyone? Who’s paying?

He also has the leftist, university intelligentsia vote, but they also support BDS aka anti-semitism. Sanders himself despises acknowledging his heritage. We are very suspect of people who hide who they really are.

The whole crew – Hillary, Sanders and Trump are just very special.

Summer is coming and with that, traveling. Here’s a tip on how to avoid last class on the plane – that dreaded middle seat.

Many people now book flights online. The result: The presumption that all the inventory is online. Not even close. Airlines hold back certain seats, at certain fares, and on some flights it may be as much as 20 percent of the total amount of available seats.

What this means is that if you’re online and you go to the seating chart provided by the airline, what you’re seeing isn’t the total number of available seats. Rather, you’re seeing the number of seats the airline chooses to make available at that particular time. Sneaky, eh? Bottom line: many online airline seating charts don’t tell the whole truth.

How to avoid this? Have a conversation. Talk to a human being. The screen at the airline’s reservation center almost always shows more seats than you’re seeing. That’s when you can often snare a lower priced window or aisle seat.

Another option before you make that call is to go to SeatGuru.com. The website shows the airline seating configurations for all the major airlines based on aircraft type.

Don’t say Blanche doesn’t look out for you.

Did you know there was a cyber attack on banks in Bangladesh?
Hackers stole $81 million from the central bank of Bangladesh in February. In that robbery, the attackers were able to compel the Federal Reserve Bank of New York to move money to accounts in the Philippines.Tomorrow there will be an announcement of another such heist. Seems that Swift — the messaging system used by thousands of banks and companies to move money around the world is being targeted.

Notice how quiet this was kept? Don’t you wonder how many other such ‘heists’ there were?

Good Shabbos
We’ll talk…

Some People Should Introduce Their Upper Lip to Their Lower Lip and Shutup

The fires Fort McMurray are leading off all the US news reports. At least they were over the weekend. After checking today however, it seems to be old news. Given that, the fires are still burning, and all evacuees who fled Fort McMurray to the north of the city to escape wildfires have been successfully transported to communities south of the blaze.

The government began moving people by road on Friday along Highway 63, the only road through the city. The fires are one thing but it’s a bit strange to have one road in a small city of over 80,000 people.  No one ever thought that maybe one day there might be an emergency? Aside from rebuilding the parts of the town that burned, they should maybe think about making another road.

Looks like Jian Ghomeshi is going to get off scott-free with no criminal record for any alleged sexual and/or physical assaults. The last woman to press charges is dropping them tomorrow. That would be a very smart move if she has the same kind of email trail the other ones had.

He has to sign something called a peace bond, which is essentially an agreement to keep the peace and maintain good behavior under a set of terms and conditions.

Can we talk? Keep the peace and maintain good behavior? He needs to see a serious shrink for a very long time. Our prediction still stands about him. He will disappear for a couple of years, go for ‘therapy’, write his rehabilitation book and poof! he’ll be back using his ‘experiences’ as a springboard for his next big job.

If anyone thought Ted Cruz would disappear quietly into the night they were wrong.
His lovely blond, slightly slimy wife Heidi said one of the most insane things – about her husband no less – that we have heard in a very long time.

She compared his losing the bid for presidential nominee to how long it took for abolitionists to end slavery. We quote “Think that slavery — it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years. …” Blanche, can you say delusional?

What is she talking about? He lost because not only didn’t the public vote for him, his party despises him. He needs to find another job. Go back the the senate and keep sponging off the public.

Although Trump isn’t in the news fifty times a day, he’s still around. We read the best analysis of his rise to the republican nominee last weekend. In a piece written by Conrad Black he describes Trump this way: …”he has cast the Archie Bunker net to pull in the masses of the angry Americans who won’t take it anymore and whose presence was unnoticed by everyone else seeking the White House.”

While those around Trump are talking about the absurd like transgender bathrooms (looking to make issues when there are none) and Obama says the biggest problem facing the US is climate change,(isis? what’s that?) Trump is coming up the middle. Can you not see entire neighborhoods hanging out their windows yelling: I’m mad as h..l and not going to take it anymore! Blanche, seems that time has run out on politicians who think they know better than the peeps. In fact, the emperor has no clothes.

Ted Cruz Bites the Dust

Yes Blanche, Cruz is gone and Donald Trump is the presumptive Republican nominee running for President of the United States of America.

After watching Trump speak tonight, he seems to be the most shocked that he has come this far. It appears he entered the race to win the ‘game’, perhaps not realizing how high the stakes really were. Mercifully he didn’t gloat, rather rambled slightly less than usual making sure to praise Cruz a few times.

He also beseeched the Republican party to gather together, put away the war of words and unite to fight Hillary. Blanche, can you imagine that in November people will have to choose between Hillary and The Donald? OMG.

Why Do People With Pea Brains Seem to Have Mouths the Size of Watermelons?

PKP’s sudden resignation yesterday as leader of the Parti Quebcois is not the greatest news for the Anglo community. Mr. Fist-pump left no one in doubt as to what his end goal was: the country of Quebec for his children. As long as that hung in the air, the PQ went nowhere in terms of popularity.

Now we have to wait for a successor. If we’re lucky it will be another French Canadian unafraid to say that he or she also wants their own country. Then we’re back in business. However, if it is someone like Drainville who hid the issue of separation instead focusing on hatred of muslims and other minorities, we’re in for another rough ride.

The people who run this province, Liberal or PQ seem to have pea brains. Do they nothing to do with their time but go after Walmart and Best Buy to make sure people that when people look at the signs they won’t feel like they live in Maine or Massachusetts? Why you ask? Because, zut alors, there’s no french on the sign.

So when you go to Costco in Marche Centrale, you might become delusional and think that you are in the United States because the sign is in English only. They must think that French Canadians have the brain of a goldfish, if a goldfish even has a brain. Blanche, if we were French Canadian we would be highly insulted by this entire geffulement.

Ted Cruz seems to have lost it today. He’s almost done in terms being a presidential candidate, especially if Trump wins Indiana tonight.

Curz basically had a big temper tantrum. We quote: “Trump is an ‘utterly amoral’ bully, narcissist, pathological liar.” Couldn’t get much clearer than that, eh?

He also went after Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes, the media titans who control Fox News, accusing them of being in the tank for Trump. Here’s a flash for Cruz: Nobody likes you because you are slimy and sneaky. Your own party hates you. Looks like he’s a cooked chicken.

With Hillary Clinton poised to take the presidential nomination for the Democrats, naysayers are slowly coming out of the closet.
While she seems to have put the email fiasco behind her, it appears that not everyone shares her view on this. Could it be that people are waiting for her to become the official nominee and then spring an indictment on her? That of course would be beyond a bonus to Trump, most likely to be the Republican to run for president.

As long as the FBI investigation remains unresolved, Clinton’s detractors — irrespective of political affiliation — have good reason to continue using it to whatever advantage it affords them. But voters are entitled to wonder about the likelihood that the investigation will actually result in an indictment.

Clinton has said of the investigation, “I am not concerned about it. I am not worried about it, and no Democrat or American should be either.” Really?

Here’s a quote from a great article we read: Whether or not the investigation ultimately results in charges, the talk generated by a drawn-out investigation helps Clinton’s rivals; like the ineffectual investigations that failed to ensnare the Clintons in the past — Benghazi, Whitewater, Troopergate, Vince Foster — it serves to remind voters of an internalized distrust for the Clinton name.

Troopergate? Here ya go: It is the popular name for an alleged scandal in which two Arkansas State Troopers claimed they had arranged sexual liaisons for then-Governor Bill Clinton.

Vince Foster? Tall and handsome, Vince Foster was one of Hillary’s closest colleagues and best friends. In real life, Vince Foster was distraught at the prospect of being grilled about the shady affairs of Hillary Clinton. A clear case of suicide, then. Or was it? As the months passed, wild rumours began to grow that a hitman had murdered him because he knew too much with the Clintons at the forefront of who got the hitman.

Blanche, Trump has all of this and much, much more in his back pocket, just waiting to let loose once the real campaign begins. It’s not going to be pretty.

We’ll talk…