Go Hug A Snowy Tree Backwards

Rahm Emanuel is the erstwhile mayor of Chicago and one-time White House chief of Staff for his dear friend Obama. Seems he’s trying to be the voice of the Democrat party, who basically croaked during the last election. We saw yesterday that Chelsea Clinton opened her mouth and it was quickly taped shut as the headline read: The last thing the Democrat party needs now is Chelsea Clinton. But we digress.

Emanuel has been living in Chicago a bit too long. Either that or he lost his command of the English language. He was speaking at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business in California – one of the hotter beds of liberal democrats. Instead of sounding poised and sophisticated he first said that his fellow dems need to take a ‘chill pill’. Seriously?

He went on:”You gotta be in this for the long haul.” He then said one of the best lines we’ve heard in a long time: Our party likes to be right, even if they lose. Now that’s true.

He’s a bit of a jerk and unfortunately for him, kept going: I’ve never lost an election. It’s about winning, because if you win you then have the power to go do what has to get done. See Blanche, he is a jerk.

The Saturday-Jared’s-not-in-the-White-House business is certainly make waves. Firstly, anyone who didn’t know about Shabbos now knows exactly what’s flying – or not – that day. It’s truly a day of peace and quiet. No phones, driving, watching TV, flicking on lights, cooking etc. Problem is, Trump knows that Jared’s not around and as the saying goes, when the cat’s away, the mice will play. Trump gets very busy on Saturday.

So what can be done about this? Blanche, we have an idea. Invite the father-in-law to spend Shabbos with them. How easy was that? He’ll have quality time with the grandchildren and his daughter and son-in-law and he doesn’t really have to keep the whole Shabbos. At least they have to try and see if things calm down for a while on that day.

Those nutball cyclists are at it again. This time they are fighting the city because they want to be able to cycle during the winter. That of course means the bike paths have to be cleared of snow. Sidewalks? Who cares. Streets cleared for ambulances or fire trucks? Big whoop.

Are these people normal? You know what happens when you cycle in the rain? The tires shoot the water up and your entire behind and all the clothing on that behind gets soaking wet. Imagine in the winter?

You will never convince me that they like to have freezing hands, snow blowing in their faces like needles and peddling through the slush. Impossible. Here’s a suggestion: Go hug a snowy tree backwards. You’ll get the same cold and wet as when you ride your bike.

Quebec separatist politicians, as we said in the last report, must take a huge chunk of responsibility for their fellow french Canadian who massacred muslims while praying in their mosque. Wait – they didn’t get it yet.

CAQ (pronounce it as you wish Blanche) Leader François Legault said his party is ready to narrow — for now — the definition of public-sector individuals who would not be allowed to wear such religious symbols as a kippah or hijab. Seriously? They are still with this charter of values? They haven’t learned their lesson? Pea brains and that’s even too big now.

Here’s a headline: Quebec is not going to separate any time soon. Drop it. It’s a huge waste of everyone’s time and more than that, continues to keep what could be a great place to live, on the edge of ‘what if’.

Another genius is Kevin O’Leary. While people are being buried he’s shooting a semi-automatic gun? What a dufus.

Steve Bannon, the dude who seems to be crazy glued to the chair opposite Trump is, shall we say, special. If he is indeed the one running even part of the show, he’s gotta go. He’s too alt-right, not quite stable and is, much to his chagrin, not the president. Surprise.

While you may not have watched the Super Bowl on Sunday night, unless you are living in Beulah Mississippi, population 337 with squirrel brains on every menu, you know that the New England Patriots were losing 28-3 at the end of the first half. They went on to win 34-28.

Football is certainly not a game played by geniuses, unless of course one is the quarterback. Yet, that game had a huge lesson for everyone. Never. Give. Up. No matter how bad things may seem to be. No matter how far one is from their goal. Sure you may still lose, but at least you tried. Tom Brady is one smart dude with a good sense of himself and an iron will.

On the same subject, if you need some money we have a good idea for you. The jersey Tom Brady wore during his Super Bowl has gone missing, and the Texas Rangers have been called in to investigate (along with the Houston police).

The shirt could be worth $300,000 as memorabilia — maybe even $500,000 — according to an estimate in the New York Post, but only so long as it’s found soon and authenticated. Blanche, start looking.

For those who hate exercise (Blanche, that would be you), here’s a hot, new idea: All you need is a 20 minute intense workout and bob’s your uncle – you’ve exercised for the day. Of course the big question is what does the word intense involve.

Here’s part of the scoop: It only requires that for a brief period of time, you push yourself out of your comfort zone. You don’t have to reach any set percentage of heart rate or anything like that. You just need to feel some brief discomfort. You can achieve that by running hard to the next signpost when you are out on a trail. A trail? Who goes out to find trails?

Right away we get nervous from this. Let’s say we run hard to the next Starbucks? Or maybe to the next bakery. Oy.

We’ll talk…

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