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Hillary’s First 100 Days

First a correction. Marie Le Pen is not left, rather she is far, far right. Got that Blanche? And next time dear, get it right, pardon the pun.

O’Leary’s gone. Poof, just like that he quit the conservative leadership race. Why? Most likely the number one reason was that he has been watching how hard Trump is working and thought to himself, “Kevin, do you need that? Do you need to live under a microscope for four years, in a dump like 24 Sussex Drive which is old and creaky?” And the answer was…no.

But he couldn’t come out and say that so he gave a number of other weak reasons and then threw his support behind Maxime Bernier who looks like he may take it on the first round.

Blanche, do you know Simon the bunny? Too late now as he expired on a United flight from England to Chicago. While we don’t want to sound catty, did you see his owner? Seriously, she looks like a walking clothing malfunction. But we digress.

Simon was a huge bunny, obviously not a commercial for weight loss. He was three feet long and massive. After he died it appears that the authorities at O’Hare airport didn’t want to make rabbit stew so they put him into a freezer. Hey, maybe they were going to make rabbi stew. Nasty.

His owner, a flaming red-head, was selling him in the United States, we are assuming for breeding purposes. We would use a rabbit noise here but rabbits have no vocal chords ergo don’t make a sound.

In the what-was-she-thinking department, a 23 year old woman climbed a massive crane in Toronto, crawled out along the boom, slid down a cable to a large pulley and got stuck. Do you know how high those cranes are?

It took hours to rescue her as the fire department had to get someone up there with a harness, attach her to the guy in his harness and slowly bring her down. What a total loser.

Seems she likes to do ‘dangerous’ things. Oh really? Did no one tell her that she doesn’t live alone on Treasure Island? That there are consequences for being a massive public nuisance. One of her punishments should be to pay every cent for every person who had to rescue her, aside from a hefty fine.

Everyone is talking about Trump’s first hundred days. What about Hillary’s first hundred days after her monumental loss? Her adoring fans are no doubt thinking that had she been in the White House life as they know it would have been absolutely perfect, as perfect as Hillary. Seriously Blanche, go git the big barf bag.

Her political career is kaput. Rumors had it that she would take a run at mayor of New York. Of course that’s not out of the question but we’re pretty sure it’s about tenth on her consolation prize list. We’re not sure about her speaking career. At least Bill is a former president, making him a bit enticing. But her? A two-time loser? She best find a knitting circle.

Here’s something that may render Obama supporters apoplectic. Guess, just guess how much money Obama is getting for speaking to a Wall Street group? Come on, take a wild guess. $400,000.

The spiritual leader of the holier-than-thou group who slammed businessman Trump for making so much money is now free to do the very thing he said he hates. What are grass roots activists going to say to their children? That their hero was a liar? That he’s just like the rest of them – greedy? Ah, such is life my dearies.

Remember Dr. David Dao who was dragged off that United flight? Seems he has settled with United Airlines and is happy with the settlement. Wise move on the part of United as taking this to court would have not done too much good for their brand. Stay tuned for the amount. It will be most interesting.

And speaking of getting bumped off a flight, get this: In the wake of the United Airlines incident, a number of airlines have announced they are giving their front line staff — counter and gate agents — the authority to go up to nearly $10,000 to induce passengers to volunteer to give up their seat.

Now that travelers know the real financial limits, our guess is that no one will volunteer for a $300 voucher, and overbooked airline cabins will turn into The Price Is Right on steroids. At the very least the inflight entertainment will begin on the ground.

The bigger question is why don’t the airlines set aside two seats for their own employees who must get from one city to another? Why do they overbook planes by five or six seats and then hold everyone up and make them aggravated by starting this seat auction?

Good Shabbos We’ll talk…

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