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The Blanche Report: Hizzoner, Bug out Bags & The Fat Lady

New York has a new Mayor by the name of Bill de Blasio. He replaced Mayor Michael Bloomberg who had that job from 2001 till 2013. The new hizzoner has not yet been formally inaugurated and already there’s an ‘issue’. His daughter, who looks to be in her twenties, decided to post a video telling the world of her substance abuse problems as well as her battle with depression and mental illness. Can we talk?

Up until her daddy was elected mayor, her problems were her own, as they should be. Why do people feel they need to share every second of their sordid life? We wish her well and hope she makes a full recovery, but it’s TMI – too much information. Perhaps she thought she would ‘fess up’ before the media got hold of her issue. Well, we can now tell Chiara that the media is going to follow her as though she were an experimental ant under a microscope. Both she and her father need some guidance and a very good media handler.

In the days before the holidays, if you ordered something online you were promised delivery by ‘the date’. Well, things didn’t exactly pan out as scheduled. According to both FedEx and UPS, bad weather coupled with too many orders got in the way of their deliveries. Lotsa people did not receive their packages on time.  Consumers were particularly upset because they could have just as easily purchased their items directly from local stores and received their items on time.

So much for neither snow nor sleet nor rain… Oh wait. Those are the postmen – uh – postpeople. Blanche – don’t ya know dat the post offices can’t deliver da mail anymore. Day gotta pay for doze pensions – ya know where dudes get paid forever and ever cause they dropped ar bill in da mailbox.

Here’s something that we bet you never heard of: A bug out bag. It’s another term for a survival kit. There were two things interesting about those kits. Number one – they are sold out on Amazon. Yikes! Number two, certain people especially on wall street are saying that adding a gun and plenty of ammunition to your water, tuna, cash and other goodies is becoming essential. Only in America. Ever wonder what improvements the many Arab countries surrounding Israel have made for the rest of the world? We can assure you not very many. Here’s a short list of a minute percentage of what Israel has given the world. …A new orthodontic system developed by Israeli Aerodentis straightens the teeth through gentle pulsating force, which moves the teeth gradually during sleep. Medical research shows this force is healthier and more efficient than applying constant pressure. …The United Nations and the Rwandan government have selected PrePex – a non-surgical device developed by Israel’s Circ MedTech – to circumcise 700,000 Rwandan men to stop the spread of AIDS / HIV in the country.

… A delegation of advertising and marketing executives from Britain came to Israel to encourage tech partnerships between the two countries. They were shown Israeli cutting-edge technologies in the areas of visual search and exposure, social media, interactive video platforms, big data, real-time analytics, mobile advertising, content marketing and augmented reality.

We could go on and on but you get the point.

This next little ditty would be funny except that it’s actually happening. A reporter with the Weekly Standard in Washington has been trying to get onto obamacare for a week. Here’s a tidbit of his experience:

…After a month of trying, I still can’t complete an application to join the D.C. Health Exchange. For a week, the Obamacare marketplace asked me to prove my citizenship, my daughter’s existence, and my fixed address in the District of Columbia, but it would not allow me to submit the requested material.

…It also apparently keeps losing all of my family’s personal information, so I’m having to type my name, address, Social Security number, as well as a) a fixed address or b) whether I’m incarcerated or c) or whether am a member of an American Indian or native Alaskan federally protected tribe.

…But it’s not all bad. What I like is that I can access the D.C. exchange in twenty different languages, including Apache, Navajo, and Irish. Which is great because I see so many Irish here who have a heck of a time assimilating, what with the fact that they only speak Irish and not the King’s English.

The fat lady did not even begin to sing on this one. Stay tuned. If this thing works on January 1 it will be a miracle. If it doesn’t work, obama should stay in Hawaii.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…

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