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The Blanche Report – Thursday April 4, 2013

Considering what is going on in the world these days, with the North Korean president Kim Jong-Un having a personal melt-down, we thought we would begin our blog with some humor. Blanche, yer gonna love this – the ten worst people to sit beside on a plane and the antidotes:

The crying baby: If you’re the one with the waaing kid, buy everyone around you a drink – and quick. The smelly person: Always  travel with a bottle of Febreeze to discreetly spray at them at the first opportunity. The talker: Pretend you don’t speak English. The sick person: Practice holding your breath for a long time. The Head Rolling Around/Can’t Keep Still Deep Sleeper: Take Benadryl and sleep at the same time. The drunk person: Pray they pass out quickly. People who dress inappropriately: Close your eyes or keep reading. People biting their nails beside you: Give them a very dirty look. The pastrami sandwich carry-on: Bring some aromatherapy oils to sniff. The small bladder window seater: Trade seats with them – fast.

Uh oh. Quite the slip by Michelle. During an interview in Burlington, Vermont,  the first lady described herself as a “busy single mother” before quickly correcting herself, explaining, “Sometimes when you’ve got the husband who’s president, it can feel a little single, but he’s there.” Imagine how he felt. And could someone please tell Michelle to cut her bangs. They are in her eyes and she can’t see.

Hillary Clinton was supposed to take a year off to rest. Guess what? The rest is over. She’s out speaking, has written another book which will be published in 2014 and has definitely cleaned up her act. She cut her hair, for sure did a few facials and looks rather presidential. Oh, right – she’s probably going to run for president in 2016. Doink.

Montreal’s metro system runs like the rest of the city – badly. Seems they did a system upgrade – last year –  and because of that, the entire subway system has crashed more than a few times this month. The best part is no one can guarantee that it won’t happen again. As the director general said, “It happens.” Let’s see now, how about testing the new system for a tad longer to iron out any kinks before installing it. Now that would have been way to intelligent.

And now for the fat tax. Yes Blanche, on Samoa Airlines you have to get weighed and someone decides that if you are too fat,  you have to fork over more money.  This news has flashed around the world like a french fry. Imagine the ticket person calling out your weight to his colleague at the other counter to decide if you need to pay more. Oy vavoy. And if you think you have to go early for a flight now…need we say more. Ok, we’ll say more. The outfits will be interesting with people trying to suck in their fat to look thinner. Spanks anyone?

A young woman in Montreal was arrested yesterday for forwarding a picture of depicting a grafitti drawing of Ian Lafrenière shot in the head. He just happens to be the head of the police communications division and the key spokesperson during last spring’s protest festival.

Seems this young lady has a history of, shall we politely say, being a huge pain to the police. It appears that she participated in multiple student protests last year, and was arrested and fined several times. The sick thing is that she does not think anything was wrong with what she did. Sending a picture of someone shot in the head is gross and should not only not be shared, it should be covered over with paint.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…

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