I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Really Intelligent and My Head Couldn’t Hold Any More So It

Blanche go git the barf bag, Hillary’s at it again. In her delusional quest to make the public think she’s one of the peeps, she took the subway today in Manhattan. She’s so out of touch that it took her a good 10 seconds to get the card into the slot to get through the big gates. Seriously?

We are not sure if she ever took a subway in her life and if she did, it was a lifetime ago. All she did today is most likely cause a huge backlog of people trying to get to work and make a living making them wait until the press got all the photo ops necessary.

Why can’t she just be who she is – part of the 1% that Zaidy Bernie is going after?

Donald Trump, Mr. I’m bringing jobs back to the US, sounds like he’s speaking with forked tongue. 20,000 Ivanka scarves were recalled because they are highly flammable. Guess where they were made? China. Can’t be. Her father is jumping up and down at every stop wearing that Make America Great Again hat. Looks like Ivanka didn’t get the memo.

John Kaisch screwed up while campaigning in Queens. He was served a slice of pizza and started eating it with a knife and fork. That is a no-no especially if he’s trying to be like the local yokels. To make amends for his pizza gaffe he is scoffing thousands of calories of rich, meat-laden sandwiches prepared for him by loving Italians. He’s not going to feel very well if he keeps eating like a ferd.

If you saw a left-behind bright-colored jacket between the airport in Brussels and the Chaussée de Louvain, referring to a street that enters Schaerbeek, or if you saw the offender while he was on the run, or if you know which way he went afterward, please contact the investigators.

Brussels police have a long video of the man with the jacket and hat walking in the airport with the other two terrorists who went on to blow themselves up. He is seen leaving the airport walking then jogging. The video is grainy and he was obviously wearing clothing to disguise himself.

It would do the Brussels police well to start sharing this and other information not only with the public but with the 10 other police forces in the city and residents of Paris. They are out of their league. If they were not so stubborn and we won’t use the other word, they would have called the Mosad in Israel long ago. Israel deals with this 24/7 and have been doing so for decades. They should stop trying to invent the wheel and save face. Then they might actually get the damn job done before something else happens.

We really liked Rudy Guillani, ex mayor of New York. However, he has come out in favor of Trump and now we are looking at him with different eyes. We can only guess that something must be in it for him. He’s got to be smarter than this.

Blanche is wading into a subject close to her heart. There is a young woman who was working in a plus-size store who posted the following on her Facebook page: Conquering the world, one well-dressed fat lady at a time. The store thought her vocabulary was offensive and fired her. Can we talk?

Call it what you want, plus size, curvy or shapely – fat is fat. And guess what? Fat women have mirrors and know exactly what they look like. They also know what they want to look like – well-dressed and put together just like everyone else. Of course Blanche would like to be size 4 or 6. Alas, we have been trying to conquer our weight since we were sixteen years old. If we were meant to be thin guess what? We would be thin!! We try to lose weight but after a few days of depriving ourselves of anything but tree bark and water, find it impossible to sustain the ‘diet’.

We tried juicing. Now that’s special. Drinking a vat of greens does one thing: gives gas. That lasted three days and we almost levitated. We tried no carbs. That lasted four days but due to shaking we had to have a small piece of bread which of course was attached to the the rest of the loaf.

Why can’t people just be happy with who they are? As long as exercise is a word in our vocabulary it seems to be healthier to stay at one weight rather than yo-yo up and down. We concur with that young lady: Conquer the world one well-dressed fat lady at a time.

Good Shabbos We’ll talk…

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