Paper Water Bottles Brought to You By Justin Trudeau

The best description of Justin Trudeau trying to make people understand how he reduces plastic use in his house was Captain Stumble. We have our own theory. He was stoned. Yes dearies, we think our pretty Prime Minister had inhaled legalised pot and could not put two words together, unlike his usual self when he cannot put three words together without uttering uh, uh, uh, uh.

Here’s the question: “What do you and your family do to cut back on plastics?” Pretty simple, eh?

Here’s the answer: “We uh, we have uh recently switched to drinking water bottles out of uh, water out of uh, when we have water bottles out of uh plastic, sorry, away from plastic towards paper umm, like drink box water bottles sort of things.”

Your illustrious, feminist, save-the-planet Prime Minister at work with a stunning backdrop of a pristine lake and trees. How lovely.

It’s official. The Democrats are grasping at straws. Yesterday, John Dean testified against the Muller report.

You may not have heard of John Dean so we’ll help you. He was White House counsel for Richard Nixon (who was impeached and resigned from office on August 9, 1974) and eventually blew the whistle on Watergate. He was charged with obstruction of justice and spent four months in prison for his role in the Watergate cover-up. Well, not exactly prison. He claims it was a halfway house. Picky, picky, picky.

He was part of the Watergate cover-up until he wasn’t. He testified, repented and spent some time behind bars.

Yesterday he testified before a House Judiciary Committee about the Mueller report. What, you are asking, does he have to do with the Mueller report? Nothing.

The committee would have preferred to be hearing from Don McGahn (the White House counsel turned key Mueller witness whose testimony was blocked by Trump) or from Mueller (who doesn’t want to appear). In a distant third place and seriously grasping at straws, the committee called on John Dean.

Their move was an unmitigated flop. First, he was upstaged by a helicopter crashing into a high-rise in Manhattan. Secondly, he had nothing to say about the Mueller report because he has nothing to do with it. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

The committee walked away with egg on their face. Let it go dudes. The fat lady sang and it’s over.

Donald Trump made minced meat out of Joe Biden today. Firstly, he renamed him Low IQ Joe. Now that’s really good. And why?

A few weeks ago Biden said: “China is going to eat our lunch? They’re not bad folks, folks . . they’re not competition for us.” Folks? Folks? Spare us.

In the past few days he did a somersault on his China stance. “We need to get tough with China. China poses a serious challenge to us, and in some areas a real threat.”

Ergo, low IQ Joe. And now you know why his handlers don’t let him out much.

The upcoming federal plastic ban is going to affect many people. There are two issues that don’t make sense: The first is why are we paying 10 cents for a thicker plastic bag? Why are stores not forced to give paper bags with handles so we save the planet and carry our groceries at the same time.

The second thing we don’t get is why stores are packaging much of their produce on styrofoam flats covered with plastic wrap? Why aren’t the stores getting into the action?

Oh wait a minute. Maybe the stores are waiting for the government to give them money to buy new fridges then with whatever is left over they will be able to buy paper bags.

Everybody’s shorts are in an uproar over the Quebec education minister finally putting an end to the on again off again closure of three English schools in Montreal. He announced the demise of these schools on French radio without giving them a heads-up.

Here’s a headline: Francois Legault used to be a separatist. While he says he has changed, his actions speak otherwise. Why is everyone surprised? He is who he is.

Couillard was voted out, this dude voted in and now you can sit back and watch the show.

We’ll talk…

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