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The Blanche Report: Good Morning America, Ford & Your Tax Dollars

Good morning America. Al Sharpton and other civil rights leaders have launched a social media campaign to try and stop the knockout game. About time they woke up, eh? Had they read Blanche a couple of weeks ago they would have had a head start.

The civil rights leaders particularly want to stop the targeting of Jews. Although reports of knockout game attacks have been reported around the country they have been concentrated in Brooklyn.

Russell Simmon, a very successful black hip hop dude said the following to those he hopes will listen to him: ‘This knockout game is some bulls**t. I mean, it’s terrible. I mean, how come you all want to hit people that look like they’ve got on devotional clothing and might not hit you back? Why don’t you hit somebody that might hit you back? I mean, the knockout game is for cowards.”

Right now we are not sure which place is worse to live in – here where they are outright bigots and racists or in America where you can’t walk in the street without fearing a punch in the face.

Barack Obama is a real politician. How do we know? Because last year he said one thing and this year he admitted that maybe his memory had failed him. In other words, he lied.

Today he acknowledged that he lived with his Kenyan uncle for a brief period in the 1980s while preparing to attend Harvard Law School, contradicting a statement more than a year ago that the White House had no record of the two ever meeting.

Now get this: A White House spokesperson said after that year, they saw each other once every few months, but after law school they fell out of touch. The president has not seen him in 20 years, has not spoken with him in 10 years. Close family. Doesn’t say much for his family values, eh?

Rob Ford is back in the news. Before we tell you why, did you know that Ford received more media coverage than any other news story since the turn of the century. If he would have had to pay for all the media space it would have cost him $1.1 billion. Dat’s a lotta coverage Blanche.

Now for the latest bombshell: Allegations revealed in newly released police documents that he attempted to buy the famous video showing him smoking something for $5,000 and a car.  There were other allegations as well and, as per Ford’s usual mantra, he is denying everything.

We are not too sure how reliable his response is as he denied that he was in the original video and after tremendous pressure, recanted. The best is when asked what his future in politics was, Ford promised “the future is that I’m getting reelected.” He may be right as so far, with all the allegations, videos and statements, the police have yet to charge him with anything. May we suggest that for the time being you refrain from buying a house on the south shore of Montreal. That’s the place where you have to cross the Champlain bridge to get to. Now that the super-girder is holding up the bridge – for now – one would think that people living out there could breathe a bit easier. Think again.

There is a metro line that goes to the south shore called the Yellow line. When the traffic on the bridge became a 3 hour nightmare, people started taking the metro. Smart, eh? Well, in a spectacularly genius move, the Montreal transport commission aka STM decided that line needs $10 million worth of work which they will be doing beginning in March 2014. Here’s the genius move: they will be closing that metro line for 25 weekends.

Hello??? Now they decide the metro needs work? The stupidity or complete lack of communication or both of the bureaucrats in this province is nothing less than mind-boggling. Wait – it gets better. You pay their salaries.

And speaking of salaries, we have decided that there is no corner in this province that is not on the take or giving away your money. The case in point here is Andre Boisclair. In case you forgot who he is, we’ll remind you. He used to be Quebec’s representative in New York, the plushiest position one can have. Unfortunately for him, he was caught taking some kind of illegal substance (did you say cocaine?) and had to resign to prove his innocence. Well, those who run the Quebec government think he is a very smart person and therefore needed a job – quickly.

Here’s what they gave him: He will head up a committee with a particular focus on Quebec’s north, in the region governed by the James Bay and Northern Quebec Agreement and how the environment is doing up there. Yes, Blanche, again you read that right. Wait! It gets better.

He doesn’t have to actually live in the north. He can visit once in a while and still get paid. Oh yes – the paycheck. His predecessor was paid $90,000 per year.  But Boisclair is SO SMART that he’s getting paid $170,000! Where is everyone????? Why is this government allowed to use your tax dollars to give presents to their friends – right in front of your face??? We always like the save the juiciest bit for last. In 1998 – that’s 15 years ago, princess pauline was the education minister. At that time she wrote a paper defending the right to wear religious symbols, encouraging school boards to welcome diversity. Yes. The same princess pauline who now says the exact opposite. Now she says diversity is a bad thing ergo wearing religious symbols is verboten. Pass the barf bag Blanche.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…

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