Don’t You Wish People Were Like Money So You Could Hold Them up To the Light and See Which One

OPM. Other people’s money. Don’t you wish you had a tree in your backyard and at a whim could pluck, oh say $40 million? For what you ask? Why to light up a bridge in Montreal to celebrate our 375th anniversary. Get real.

Blanche, let’s go to Paris and fly first class and stay in the Ritz Carlton. Then we can go shopping and eat out and hire a chauffeur. Wait! Who’s going to pay? Why the little plebs who pay taxes. Why is it when normal people get elected in high positions they forget who they are and where they came from? They also seem to forget where their money is coming from.

Our mayor who was once a nice guy seems to  slowly becoming like Jean Drapeau who, when asked if the ’67 Olympics would have a cost overrun said, “Just like a man cannot have a baby, the olympics will not exceed our projections.” What year are we? 2015? We’re still paying. We hope Coderre comes to his senses. Then there’s Hydro Quebec who seem to be raising the electricity rates every six months. Who exactly will stop them if the government owns them? No one. They can do what they want when they want. Walter Palmer’s life as he knew it is over. He’s the brainwave dentist who shot and killed Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe. He can’t go home as Mia Farrow posted his address on social media. He can’t go back to his dental practice because their are hordes of lion-lovers in the parking lot waiting to pounce on him. He can’t stay in his little town of Eden Prairie in Minnesota because the police are not going to protect him. Hey, we have an idea. He should call that Jenner person and find out how to make himself into a woman. Short of that he will have to pitch a tent on an ice flow in the Arctic until this blows over, which it won’t for a long time.

And in case you didn’t know, he’s a serial animal killer and has been on the wrong side of the law on more than one occasion due to his ‘sport’. The tables have turned on him. Instead of hunting he’s being hunted. Not everyone gets their just desserts in this lifetime.

Don’t read this if you’re eating. Brazil is a lovely country and has an overload of naturally occurring resource. That resource  isn’t diamonds or oil—it’s human excrement, which Olympic athletes will have to swim through if they want to win a medal next summer. Feh, feh, feh.

Despite promises to clean the Rio de Janeiro bay in time for the 2016 Olympics, mayor Eduardo Paes was forced to admit this week that some of the athletes are just going to have to deal with competing in the raw sewage expelled by a large, poorly managed city. This could be one of the grossest things we have read in a very long time. Whoever swims in that needs their head examined.

If you happen to be outside tomorrow night, look up. Friday night will mark the appearance of the month’s second full moon, the first such occurrence in the Americas since August 2012. Every month has a full moon, but because the lunar cycle and the calendar year aren’t perfectly synched, about every three years we wind up with two in the same calendar month. Just saying… JetBlue, that kind of flower child airline that has smiley flight attendants and serves blue chips is now going to start charging for baggage $20 to check your bag online $25 at the counter. The only airline not charging for bags is Southwest. Don’t worry, they’ll get in the game soon. Airlines raked in a cool $3.5 billion for checked bags. They will want their share. Blanche, here’s some information that you could use. A solid night’s sleep is known to protect your memory from bouts of forgetfulness. “Sleep almost doubles our chances of remembering previously unrecalled material,” a researcher said in a statement. “The post-sleep boost in memory accessibility may indicate that some memories are sharpened overnight. This supports the notion that, while asleep, we actively rehearse information flagged as important.”

Now you don’t have be one the ‘cool’ people who say they don’t need a lot of sleep. Can we talk? Everybody needs to sleep. It’s good for our skin, lets our bodies rest and now, zut alors, it’s good for our memory. We’ll stay nurdy and go to sleep early.

Good Shabbos

We’ll talk…

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