Some People Aren’t Missing The Odd Screw. The Whole Freakin Tool Box is Gone.

In all of Canada guess where the most sightings of UFO’s are? Quel surprise – here in la belle province. Now why do you think that is?

Could it be because french Canadians have a few too many Molsons? Or, could it be because the some people here are just one chip shy of bag? Or maybe one tool shy of a toolbox. Or maybe one cornflake shy of a box? It’s a bird. It’s a plane. It’s Superman! Away donc la!

If you are looking for something to do in 2017 we have a lead for you. Mayor Codere is looking for 6,000 volunteers to help out with Montreal’s 375th birthday party. He can’t pay you because he already spent your pay – $40 million – on lights for the Jacques Cartier bridge.

So not only will you not get paid for this job, but Codere is picky, picky picky. Ya gotta be dynamic, polite and have strong interpersonal skills. Wait it gets better. You also have to pay for your own transportation to get to your non-paid job.

Here’s a newsflash for Codere: Be a nice guy and give free bus and metro cards to the geniuses you will hire to represent the city. Blanche don’t you wish you worked for the Habs? You could get paid a gzillion dollars, show up for games but never play because you are not accountable and then beginning in April get a six month paid vacation. Doesn’t this sound like the perfect job?

After their end of season news conference, the Habs said that all top management will stay in place. Can we talk? Ya can’t fire the owner who it seems is at the core of this issue. While his last name may be Molson as in the beer, it obviously does not mean he knows how to run a hockey team. In fact, it has become crystal clear that he has not a clue how to run a team. In which case Montreal is doomed to watching years of boring, spoiled, lazy players.

In the oops department, Tesla Motors is recalling its Model X sport utility vehicles, agreeing to replace more than 325,000 pre-orders after strength tests revealed issues with the car’s third-row seats. You heard it here first – this is just the beginning of recalls and replacements for this car.

Muclair is toast. At the NDP convention on Sunday, he had one last shot at keeping his position of leader. His speech was, to put it mildly, boring and lackluster. The vote was taken and instead of the 75% that he had hoped for, he got a failing grade of 48%. He was out. But wait. He’s not quite gone yet.

On his own he decided that until a new leader is chosen in no less than two years, he will remain leader.

Harper lost the election, was on a plane to Calgary the next day and the Conservative party quickly chose an interim leader. He was smart enough to know that until a new leader is chosen the best place for him to be is out of the limelight. Unfortunately, Mulcair doesn’t think the same way. We want to know why someone would even want to hang around a place where they know nobody likes them. Ya can’t buy common sense.

Goldman Sachs, one of the most powerful investment banks on Wall Street, agreed on Monday to pay $5.06 billion – yes Blanche, dats with a B – to settle allegations that it sold packages of shoddy mortgages to investors during the period leading up to the financial crisis.

But, similar to other massive settlements reached with large banks over the last few years, no individual bank employee is being held responsible for the alleged bad behavior that led to the settlement. Got that?

No one is going to sit for robbing the poor and middle class blind. People involved in that scandal made the mother of all fortunes. The fine given to them is a drop in the bucket. This is one of the reasons that Donald Trump is doing as well as he is. People are just sick and tired of being taken advantage of and Trump has all the right phrases to push their buttons. The mayor of New York, Bill di Blasio and Hillary Clinton told one of the most off-color jokes we have heard in a long time, with black actor Leslie Odom Jr. right beside them. Di Blasio was endorsing Hillary and she quipped “What took you so long.”

His response? Remember, Blanche didn’t say this, she just writes it: “Sorry Hillary, I was running on C.P. time.” What is C.P. time? Literally translated it means colored people time, a quip at the stereotype that black people often run late. Odom remarked that he did not like that quip at all. No kidding.

Here’s the best part of this whole gefuflement: Obama defended di Blasio.

We’ll talk…

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