Special Edition: Breaking News

It seems that Ted Cruz, running in second place for president of the United States of America had no less than five affairs in the not so distant past.

Why you have not seen this on mainstream TV news outlets, on the internet, on twitter or anywhere else is complicated and we will do our very best to make sense of this story. Before we continue we would be remiss if we did not do a special call-out to Blanche’s deep throat for alerting us to this story.

It was the National Enquirer who broke the story about multiple sexual ‘trysts’ that Cruz had with women. Lest you shudder to believe the National Enquirer, we will remind you that they broke the John Edwards scandal as well as Gary Hart’s ‘Monkey Business’ yacht story and a story about Jesse Jackson.

We will try to thread together the strange parts of this story:

1. Ted Cruz’s twitter account has been silent for two days, leading people to believe he knew this was coming.

2. Twitter is silent about this scandal although tweets are coming in at 100 per minute. Did they know and are trying to protect Cruz?

3. Amanda Carpenter is one of the women cited. She is a CNN contributor. Her twitter account was silent for 18 hours, tweeting a few minutes ago as though nothing is happening.

4. Sarah Isgur Flores is another women cited. In in addition to being a well known political operative, was also the campaign manager for Carly Fiorina. And that little factoid brings an earlier discovery into question; Why did the Super-PAC for Ted Cruz send the Super-PAC for Carly Fiorina $500,000? Could it be money for silence?

5. Breitbart, a well-known online news outlet knew about this story long ago but chose not to disclose it. Why? Read this next part carefully:

Breitbart is owned by pro-Cruz Super-PAC funder Robert Mercer who it seems was one of the roadblocks to the story. The editor, Ben Shapiro, is also being named as one of the political advocates who would not allow his chosen candidate – Cruz – to be ‘outed”. Shapiro is also the Editor of The Daily Wire, which is also owned by a Pro-Cruz Super-PAC team, The Wilks Brothers.

We are guessing that the Republican establishment is beyond panic mode. If these allegations are true, Cruz, the holier-than-thou evangelist is gone. That would almost 100% ensure Trump as the candidate for president.

Unfortunately, silence is not going to make this go away. Although we cannot completely confirm this story, where there’s smoke there’s fire. Stay tuned as it could turn the US election campaign on its head yet again.

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