The Blanche Report: The Stars, The Neighbors & The Gun Collection

Obama’s back. He was bemoaning the fact that society’s obsession with celebrities could be eroding the American dream. Is that so?

Just this past month, he paraded out a group of celebrities to try and spread the word about obamacare – which so far not one person has been able to describe. People paid $25,000 a plate for the ‘privilege’ of eating with Obama and his little celebrity entourage. Ya can’t have it both ways dude. If he thinks that the ‘simple folk’ are trying to emulate the lives of celebrities and he knows it is completely unrealistic to do so, then he should lead by example. Next.

At long last Edward Snowden is out of Moscow’s airport,  hiding somewhere in Russia. Let’s put it this way – the word security is now one of the top 2 words in his vocabulary and, for that matter in his life forever and ever.

Not that we are in any way a clairvoyant – but remember last week we were lamenting about the coach of the Montreal Alouettes? The one from somewhere in the deep south who couldn’t seem to put two words together? Well, he’s toast, kaput, gonzo. In case you follow the team closely, general manager Jim Pop has taken over the reigns of coach for now.

Most people know their neighbors to the right and left. On some streets everyone knows each other. Once in a while there’s someone on your street who’s a bit odd. He rarely comes out of his home and when he does he’s still in his pajamas at 4:00 pm. He yells when people walk on his lawn. You know the type. Well, this past week such a type barricaded himself in his house in a quiet suburb of Montreal. Seems the Hydro people were on his property and he didn’t take a liking to them so he pulled out one of the 182 guns he had in his house and threatened them. Yes Blanche, you read that correctly – 182 various and assorted guns.

This 71 year-old man, who suffers from dementia, managed to amass an arsenal of weapons in his house. We are making an educated guess that he bought the guns from many different sources so as not to attract attention. It took the police almost 24 hours to extricate this dude from his house. Guess he was estranged from his family and they hadn’t been to visit in a while. Otherwise they need to buy eyeglasses to see what was in that house. Ya know the joke about relatives overstaying their welcome? They are more smelly than bad fish. Well, looks like the US has that issue – in spades. The Homeland Security Department has lost track of more than 1 million people who it knows arrived in the U.S. but who it cannot prove left the country. The government tracks arrivals, but is years overdue in setting up a system to track departures. If you need a job and have a good idea, I’m sure Homeland security would be happy to talk to you.

Hawaii seems to have quite the homeless persons problem. They have decided to take matters into their own hands and have offered free, one way flights to anywhere in the continental United States. Or, if the flights are full, they could be put on a cruise ship, all expenses paid. Problem is the weather. There’s not many places on the continent that offers Hawaii’s almost perfect weather.

And we would go one step further. Before putting anyone on a plane, someone better give them a shower and a clean set of clothing.

Good Shabbos,

We’ll talk…