Agent 728: I will slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you. Not anymore dearie.

Hillary is swimming in brown business and might be well advised to get a wet suit. Her latest defense for making closed-door, richly-paid speeches to big banks and then refusing to release the transcripts is that ““I am happy to release anything I have when everybody else does the same, because every other candidate in this race has given speeches to private groups.”

Ah Madame Hillary, there’s a small difference here. You took $675,000 to make a speech to Goldman Sachs. She went on to complain that people are picking on her. Boohoo. Here’s why: she personally earned $11 million in 2014 and the first quarter of 2015 for 51 speeches to banks and other groups and industries.

She’s unlikable because she’s unlikable. She pretends to be like every other American when in fact she fancies herself much greater than every American. She’s fake and can’t hide it. We have an idea. Next time she goes out to speak somewhere she should put a brown paper bag over head. The unknown politician. At least no one will be able to take a bad picture of her. Hehehehehehe. Here’s something that won’t surprise you. While Apple continues to try to fight the FBI order to unlock a terrorists phone, support from the tech world is starting to pour in.

Soon after Microsoft announced it’s decision to back Apple’s legal battle with its own brief, Facebook, Google and Amazon have stepped in and are reportedly working on similar legal briefs to offer support in court.

We hope you are not shocked by this development. What we don’t get, and we are far from techies, is that most of our information is already out there. We have no fear that Apple is going to hack into our phone because the government already knows the color of our underwear.

This battle is over national security. Yes it’s true Big Brother is watching you. It’s also true the bad guys want to do us in and if there is information on that phone that can stop some other nutball with a gun, we say get it.

Lest you think Apple will ever let this happen again, think again. Engineers have begun developing new security measures that would make it impossible for the government to break into a locked iPhone using methods similar to those now at the center of a court fight in California. The fat lady has not sung on this one yet.

In the this-can’t-be-true department, it was learned recently that when Hillary was a child – yes Blanche, she was once young – she had a cat named…ready?…Isis. We don’t make up the news folks, we just report it.

As Donald Trump surges in the polls, Canada is trying to make it even easier for anyone, even a horrified American, to obtain Canadian citizenship. No doubt a total coincidence, wink wink, nudge nudge.

The bill would shorten the residency requirement, meaning someone who began their application around, say, Super Tuesday (next week), could conceivably become a citizen almost two full years before Trump’s first term ends. Cape Breton here we come.

Did you know that this is the summer of the olympics? Did you know they are going to be held in Brazil? Organizers of the 2016 Olympics are facing an uphill task in their bid to convince the international sports community that the games will be spared the effects of the mysterious Zika virus. In fact, they won’t be spared.

Rio’s organizing committee said there would be no danger of Zika to athletes or travelers, but urged extensive use of protective measures, especially mosquito repellent. Exactly how do they know who is going to be bitten, or not bitten by a mosquito? Blanche, these people have totally lost their marbles.

Coupled with the fact that Rio’s water is totally polluted and long distance swimming, sailing and rowing events will take place in water littered with garbage that has to be pushed away is beyond gross.

This olypmics business is a crock. Rio doesn’t have two cents to rub together and they are spending billions on what? So someone can jump over hurdles in 2 minutes? Or swim .10 seconds faster than someone else? The whole thing stinks and will stink a lot more near the water over there.

Don’t mess with Agent 728 aka Stephanie Trudeau of the Montreal Police force. Did you see that chick? She chews nails and spits battleships along with putting innocent people in headlocks and spraying bystanders with pepper spray. She was found guilty today with a severe tongue lashing from the judge. Blanche, ya think da judge is afraid da agent will come and beat the daylights out of her?

What’s up with Zaidy Bernie (Sanders) that he can’t say he’s Jewish? He help Rabbi Raskin light the menorah in Vermont years ago. He lived on a kibbutz in Israel. His parents were both Jewish. Get a life dude and start being proud of your roots. Remember, if you forget where you came from you are doomed for the future. Well, we kind of made that up but it’s true. One can never forget who they are. For starters because everyone else will remind them.

Zaidy Bernie, time to get real.

Good Shabbos We’ll talk…