I’m Not Fat. I’m Just Easy to See.

Not that Blanche wants to gloat, but can we say we said this first: It has come to light today that a ‘study’ was done to see how much it would cost to blow up the Big Owe. Zut alors the cost came in at $800 million. In case you don’t know, dats very close to a billion. But that’s not the whole deal.

It appears that the dust resulting from the implosion would be toxic. As well, the beams were constructed in such a way that they would literally fly all over the city should the place be blown up. Now that would be messy.

To fix it will cost about $200 million of your tax dollars, only to have to fix it yet again in a couple of years. The geniuses responsible for the ‘study’ said that it would have to be dismantled piece by piece. Now they’re talking. What a great make-work project. It could go on for years and years and years, giving much needed work to the many unemployed people in la Belle Province.

We know that such fiascoes happen in other cities, but they usually end at some point. In this city your money just keeps pouring into a place that no one uses, cares about nor wants with no end in sight.

Bizarre is the only word we can find to describe this next little ditty. The head of the NAACP, Rachel Dolezal has resigned her position as president because she is in reality a white person, not a black person. It seems she always wanted to be a black person. Trouble is her parents are lily white and guess what? So is she!

Last we heard, the NAACP stands for the National Association of the Advancement of Colored People – not exactly the correct terminology these days.  Did no one take a close look at her? Are people actually shocked to that she’s really white? Did they not take a look at her lineage? Only in America.

When Bill di Blasio, the New York left of left Democrat mayor was elected to office, he got rid of the stop and frisk law. “It’s offensive.” While it may have been so, it also kept New York safe. Of late the crime rate has risen dramatically and we are guessing that under the pretense of keeping the place safe, the Feds are moving in.

Tree-hugging liberals are definitely not enamored with this law. Quel dommage. Better they should complain and someone not get mugged or worse. The Donald, aka Donald Trump is running for President again. The only comment we will make is that he is no longer dying his hair that nasty blonde color, opting instead to leave it gray. At least he has hair.

Here’s a baseball scandal in the making: The St. Louis Cardinals are being investigated by the FBI for allegedly hacking into networks and trying to steal information about the Houston Astros. Really? The FBI has evidence that Cardinals officials – who were not identified – allegedly tapped into the Astros’ database and had access to statistics, scouting reports and internal discussions about players, trades and other proprietary information.

The Astros rely heavily on sabermetrics in their evaluation of players and have been open about the fact that they use an online database to house their proprietary information. The Astros are in good company with the US Federal government who could not keep their information secure. If you’re looking for a good job, may we suggest cyber-security. You’re going to get healthy whether you like it or not. Artificial trans fats will be phased out of processed foods, from microwave popcorn to frozen pizza, to prevent fatal heart attacks. So says the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Here’s a secret – it’s not only the trans fats that are killing Americans. It’s the fact that they sit on a couch for hours on end and don’t move while eating those trans fats that’s killing them.

If they want Americans to be healthier and not so fat, shut down the internet for 2 hours a day and force everyone out onto the street to walk, bike, run, play ball – you know what people used to do a few years ago.

Remember the dude who jumped the White House fence a while back and got right into the building? Well, today he was sentenced to 17 months in jail for his antics. We especially liked what the judge had to say to him after it was revealed that he had stockpiled a veritable arsenal of weapons: “No more knives, no more guns, no more tomahawks, no more machetes. Got it?” “Yes, your honor”, he answered. Let’s bet he’s back in less than two years with another arsenal. Exactly who is monitoring this nutball?

Stay tuned tomorrow as Swiss officials release some juicy information about money-laundering in the bids for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Let’s bet that Qatar loses it’s chance to host those soccer games in 120 degree heat.

We were on a road trip recently near Dannemora prison where those two rather nasty dudes escaped. The femme fatale in the escapade, aka the woman who worked in the laundry room has been arrested. She admitted smuggling tools and whatnot to the men and then helping plot their escape which included the murder of her husband.

Zut alors, when she discovered that she really loved her husband she backed out of the plan. Here’s a flash for her: Had she gone through with the plan, she and her husband would most likely have both been killed. Yet another headline: those dudes had plan B and never relied on her in the first place.

At a gas/coffee stop along the highway we spoke with the people serving, asking if they were in any way afraid. As one of the women was slicing tomatoes she responded, “Naw, doze guys are in Mexico by now.” Perhaps they are correct. And perhaps until they are caught they should be sleeping with some kind of weapon beside their bed. Just in case.

We’ll talk…

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