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Maxwell Smart, Agent 99 Where are You?

Apple’s new CEO Tim Cook ain’t Steve Jobs. Tim was the one announcing Apple’s new iPhone 6 today, amid quivering worldwide fanfare. Alas, alas. People watching the live stream were first hit with a test card instead of the live feed. After that, users reported the audio for the live stream included the Mandarin translation over the audio of Tim Cook, just as the new iPhone was announced.

When the feed did work, many people viewing it reported to be either several minutes behind, or incredibly pixelated – which means very blurry. When we went to see the launch for ourselves on the apple site, we were met with a message saying that the replay of today’s launch will be available later. Hey – nobody’s perfect, eh?

In case you thought smart phones were obnoxious, you ain’t seen nothin yet. Today Apple revealed the smart watch aka the apple watch as opposed to the iWatch. Yes Blanche, just like Get Smart you can talk into your watch. It seems it performs the same functions as your phone. Go know. Nu, Kate is expecting again. (as in Prince William and Kate) As many of the English papers reported, she’s completing the first part of her royal duties – providing an heir and a spare to the throne. Even if her baby is a girl, she’s next in line after George. Ya think they call him George or did they privately give him a name they liked?

By now everyone must know about Scotland’s referendum being held next week. We heard and read the best line so far: If the no side wins by a slight margin, there is no doubt another referendum is on the horizon, which will cause uncertainty in Scotland. Guess what this uncertainty is called? The Quebecois scenario.

Yes Blanche, we have made the news in Scotland, but not for the right reasons. People were referring to the fact that investments and the business community will quietly move their money elsewhere, fearful to invest in a place where the future is uncertain.

The vote appears very close, but that doesn’t really mean anything. Many people sit on the fence until they get into the polling booth. We think that no matter what the outcome, unless it’s a landslide one way or the other, they are doomed to years of a shaky economy. Join the club.

Be happy you don’t live in Calgary today. They got 15 cm of snow with a temperature of -3 Celsius or 27 Fahrenheit. We’ll be getting ‘good sleeping weather’ when our temperatures drop to the 40’s at night later in the week. Welcome to global warming. Have you bought a light blub recently? Or maybe fixed your bathroom sink or bought a knob for your kitchen cabinet? Well, if you moseyed on to Home Depot best start checking your credit card bills and bank accounts. Their payment system was hacked with 70 million customers affected. 70 million! Wait, it gets better. The hacking has been going on since last April and no one knew. Hello? Anybody home? Guess they were knee deep at the depot…(Pardon the pun – home depot.)

We have one up on those shopping in the US because we are forced to use a pin number. Down south they just swipe your card and bob’s your uncle – you have your purchase. Much easier to hack into those accounts.

Tomorrow night you can rest easy. Obama is addressing his nation about how the United States plans to confront the threat from isis. Now don’t you feel better?

Obviously he’s off the golf course and back in his office, so it’s pretty reasonable that he’s back in the game. Nice of him.

He’s meeting with all kinds of ‘advisers’ and officials to get a feel of the problem. Can we talk? Where has this dude been the past six months? Now he’s waking up? He’s not very convincing as a leader.

Walmart now has a dress code for its employees. Among the rules: Clothes must be clean and fit properly (ya think they mean they don’t want dudes wearing their jeans under their tuchos); no holes, frays, discoloration or stains; no hoodies in the store. About time.

We’ll talk…

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