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The Blanche Report: Happy Trails to You, Until We Meet Again

Ever hear of  Deepak Chopra? He’s Canada Post chief executive. Today he aligned himself with the likes of Rob Ford or perhaps surpassed him in stupid comments.

In case you didn’t know, the entire country of Canada is going to lose home mail delivery in about a year. Where we will be picking up our mail is anyone’s guess. The street may be littered with those ugly steel small boxes. But there’s a larger issue, that of seniors. Canada is a northern country and as such we have winters complete with icy sidewalks and lots of snow.  Loss of home mail delivery will become an issue for the elderly. And in case you didn’t remember, gzillions of  baby-boomers are entering their ‘golden years.’ Now here’s what the genius Chopra said:

Seniors are welcoming the loss of getting their mail directly to their homes because…they want to be more healthy. Right. So if they have to walk to their outside mail box a block or two from their house on a icy sidewalk that will keep them ‘robust’. While you shake your head and wonder if he’s one flake short of a box of cereal, we will remind you that he gets paid rather handsomely for his position. Just goes to show that even morons can rise up the ranks.

And speaking of Rob Ford, he opened his mouth again today. Would you say the man has an obsession with getting himself into the media? When asked what he was getting his wife for the holidays he responded, “Just money. Women love money. Give them a couple of thousand bucks and they’re happy.” Imagine living with this buffoon? Oy.

In case you were thinking of going shopping to, say Target, you may want to reconsider. Credit card data connected to about 40 million credit and debit card accounts was stolen as part of a breach that began over the Thanksgiving weekend. The stolen data included customer names, credit and debit card numbers, card expiration dates and the embedded code on the magnetic strip on back of the card. Online purchases were not affected. Here’s the kicker: This breach of security took place from November 27 until December 15. It was not noticed for all that time.

We have some sage advice for you. Get into your pajamas, curl up on your favorite couch with a nice cuppa tea and shop online.

Remember Obama eagerly jumping up the steps of the stadium during the Mandela memorial to shake Raul Castro’s hand? Well, here’s a little tidbit about what is going on in Cuba. For the first time since the 1959 revolution, Cubans will have the right to buy new and used vehicles from the state without government permission. Officials lauded that this was yet another step toward greater economic freedom on the communist-led island. Lest you think the Cuban people may become spoiled by this new measure, don’t worry. The government is going to introduce these new measures gradually so as not to give the people a sense of ‘enrichment.’

In case you haven’t seen any pictures of Cuba recently, we’ll tell you that they are still driving Pontiacs, Corvairs and Valiants.  Doesn’t Obama look like a genius now?

A US Air Force General in charge of nuclear weapons repeatedly drank too much and behaved like a boor last summer during an official trip to Moscow, where he insulted his Russian hosts and hung out with two suspicious women he met at a hotel bar.  Gulp.

General Michael Carey’s behavior stunned his aides and other colleagues traveling with him for a nuclear security exercise and meetings with Russian officials. They said he started drinking during a stopover in Zurich and kept it up during three days in Moscow, causing a string of gaffes and embarrassments that led Air Force officials to relieve him of his command. Although he was removed from his command job – doink – he retains his rank and does not face any other disciplinary measures.  Who the heck is minding the store in the land of the free and the home of the brave?

As many people will be traveling by plane this time of year, we thought it apropos to remind you of the list of the seven worst people to sit next to on a plane and how you can deal with them:

1. The crying baby. Always travel with earplugs. 2. The smelly person. Always bring a scarf. 3. The talker. Those earplugs again. 4. A person with a cold. Give them your sleeping pill. Always better a sleeping sicky than an awake one. 5. The head lolling sleeper. Take an extra dose of benadryl so you won’t care. 6. The pastrami sandwich carry-on. Bring aroma oil to sniff or spray him with farbreeze. 7. The drunk person. You’re toast.

Good Shabbos and happy trails,

We’ll talk…

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