The Great Debates – Round One

The Canadian debate was like watching the grass grow. No audience, boring background and silence between the questions. The American debate was like watching a parade in Times Square.

Mulcair looked stiff and someone needs to buy him a suit that fits. Harper sounded and looked like the Prime Minister. Elizabeth May needs a hairdresser stat and Trudeau looked pretty and wore a very expensive suit. What did they say? Nothing that you already didn’t know.

Trump trumped the American debate. First though we have to talk about his hair. It’s impossible to see where that comb-over begins or ends. It looks like he has yellow fluff on his head. Marco Rubio must be using brylcream and Chris Christie wins for the worst hair day.

Back to Trump. He aced the first question, rendering the pretty blonde Megyan Kelly speechless. We can’t figure out how someone can be pretty, blonde, thin and smart all at once. Must be she bites her nails. But we digress.

When Wallace, a seasoned journalist asked Trump about his shocking comments re Mexicans and other immigrants and what his policy would be, Trump looked him straight in the eye and told him he would never even be asking an immigration question if not for him. He then asked him about the bankruptcies of his companies and again he made minced-meat out of Wallace.

These debates are the opening volleys. Stay tuned for months of this verbal you-know-what.

Don’t you wonder to what level of ignorance and incompetence those in the construction business here in la belle province are? We’ll tell you how ignorant: There was a new $4.5 million footbridge being built in a suburb here in Montreal. Work had to abruptly stop today because… the bridge’s supports don’t rest on the bridge’s foundation.

Yes Blanche you read that correctly. Not one of the geniuses constructing the bridge, nor those inspecting the work, nor the managers who watch over the workers, nor the engineers who drew up the plan bothered to check to see if someone – anyone – was following the plan. Actually, that’s not even part of any plan. Even we know that in order for a bridge to stay up the supports have to be part of the foundation.

Well, it turns out no one was following anything. Could it be the construction workers are illiterate? Very possible. Here’s the scenario we like the best, someone was paid off and no one cared what the heck happened. Banana republic anyone?

The Bruce Jenner aka Kait business seems to losing momentum and with that lots of money. The reality show that he/she launched is beyond a disaster. The critics have totally bombed it and said what we did from the get-go. If what he/she is doing is for real then get off social media and television and go live your life quietly in some hut somewhere. Right now we don’t believe a word of what he/she is purporting. Watch, in a year Kait will go back to Bruce cause the money will be better there. Ich and fech.

Investigators say they believe the same Russian hackers that carried out attacks on the White House and State Department last year and the attempted penetration of the Pentagon last month were responsible for a major cyber attack that shut down the Joint Chiefs of Staff email for the past 11 days. That means that the over 4,000 people who work in that area have no email access.

In all of the attacks, hackers broke into unclassified email networks by sending legitimate-looking emails than turned out to be malware or “spear phishing” attempts. In April, President Obama’s unclassified emails were among those compromised, along with the State Department.

We’ve been saying this for how long? Nothing is safe except an old-fashioned land line. Guess that’s what they are doing in Washington. Hey, maybe Hillary got it right. She stayed away from the government and had her own personal server. At least she won’t get caught up in this mess.

First a disclaimer: We must apologize to all of our dentist friends. Actually some of them are my best friends. We just could not resist this piece and we’re sparing you the picture.

…There you are, moving your tongue left and right as your own saliva pools in the back of your throat. A gloved finger pulls back your lip and a familiar armamentarium of drills and metal tools sparkles nearby.

…In the age of laser eye surgery, laparoscopic procedures for complex surgeries, gene therapy, and artificial wind pipes made on 3D printers, dentistry still tends to feel a lot like carpentry.

Ask your dentist how far their field has gone and you’ll get an answer that will take an hour. Implants, better dental equipment, better filling material yada yada yada. Ask the patient who is sitting in the chair with their mouth wide open for an hour listening to the high pitched whirring of that drill? We just shuddered. In the end, we gotta thank our dentists for taking up such a thankless, albeit well-paying profession.

Please call all the tree-hugging, whale-saving, climate change people. This piece is for them. Whole Foods is selling a bottle of water for $6 because it has 3 stalks of asparagus in it. They aren’t even saying it’s healthy. They just put it out there on the shelves and all the nudnik minions bought it.

We’ll talk…

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