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Quel Surprise! It’s December and it Snowed!

So, who’s going to win? Roy Moore the republican with some nasty ‘sexual misconduct’ charges hovering around him or Doug Jones, the staunch Democrat? Lest any poll think themselves geniuses and are predicting the answer, we will remind you of the polls just before the presidential election, which had Hillary beating Trump by 95%.

In this election the outcome could depend on who doesn’t vote. Voter turnout is supposed to be low as Alabama usually votes Republican but many people will most likely stay home rather than vote for Moore. We may send out a special Blanche report tonight once the results are in.

A final note about Roy Moore. He was accused of being, shall we say, not a lover of the Jewish people. Well, today his wife tried to put that at rest. Here are her remarks. Try to read them with a southern drawl, they’ll sound even better:

Fake news would tell you that we don’t care for Jews. And I tell you all this because I’ve seen it and I just want to set the record straight while they’re here. One of our attorneys is a Jew. We have very close friends that are Jewish, and rabbis, and we also fellowship with them. Seriously? Some of my best friends are Jewish? No comment.

Quel surprise! Winter came in December. Seems the public works people in Montreal just can’t seem to get their act together when it comes to our annual first snowstorm. Salt? Plows? Fuggedaboutit. They finally made an appearance this afternoon but not before busses and cars went slip slidden away down hills this morning.

Can someone please send our new mayor Plante a memo that we always get our first snowfall in December? Maybe next year the surprise factor will be eliminated.

Good thing that genius Bangladeshi dude couldn’t figure out how to make a bomb properly. It exploded prematurely and injured a few people mildly. The terrorist got the brunt of the explosion.

There is absolutely no way to stop such people as there are just too many soft targets everywhere.

Well, there is a way. Don’t let them into the country in the first place. He came in on a chain migration law, which is when US immigrants legally bring family members into the country. People like him are going to ruin it for decent people trying to bring their family members to the US. Let’s bet Trump puts an end to this loophole.

Uber best sit up and take note of this next piece. Go-Jek is a $3 billion Indonesian start-up. When you download their app you summon a car or motorbike driver who could give you a lift, bring you takeout, shop for groceries or deliver a present to someone across town. Wait it gets better.

They have another app called Go-Life. With that you can hail someone to come cut your hair, give you a massage, clean your bathroom or change your car’s oil. And with the money you keep in Go-Jek’s digital wallet, you can pay your electricity bill, buy mobile data and book movie tickets — all within the app.

The company was built by one person and is now worth about $3billion. Blanche, ya think we should grab a ride on a motorbike? What if it starts to rain or even worse, a huge wind appears and we get blown around? We’ll stick to cars.

What’s with democratic senator Kirsten Gillibrand? First thing you should know is that she replaced Hillary when she decided to run for president.

Miss-holier-than-thou seems to have had a revelation at her bible class this week. To get Trump to resign due to sexual harassment charges. What was last week’s revelation? To get Al Franken to resign and in fact she was successful.

Given that, she shouldn’t be taking herself so seriously. There’s a vast difference between a senator and the president, who, by the way, ain’t going anywhere. For some reason she reminds us of Pocahontas – Elizabeth Warren – and not in a good way. We need the big barf bag for both of them.

We would like to take this opportunity to bid our dear friend Tommy Schnurmacher a fond farewell as he retires from his over forty years in the radio and entertainment business in Montreal. His wit, intelligence, quick-thinking and humour will be sorely missed on Montreal’s airwaves.

As we have heard more times than we can count, the last man standing at Montreal’s main English radio station is Aaron Rand. Once he bites the dust we will be left with the pathetic choice of either a flat-line, white-bread boring host trying to fill Tommy’s shoes or a giggling childish woman appealing to someone with the intelligence of a five-year-old.

Happy Chanukah We’ll Talk…

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